Super Frat

Hey bros, welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die.   I was digging through the Twitter looking for a viable contestant.  Since we did a porn star last week, I thought I’d try to mix it up.  So I just clicked around and found gold!  Lindsay Lohan!  Now, we can’t expect her tweets to be as insane as Courtney Love’s, but something is clearly going on.  Let’s begin to analyze.

Right off the bat the picture of MJ.  What’s up with that?  Did she know him or is she just captilizing on the big news story.  Ironically, it’s celeb news like this that knocks her crazy stunts off the front page.  Maybe she’s grateful.  All right, all right, let’s do the tweets.

July 10th, 10:59pm: “I am pretty obsessed with Roisin Murphy :)”

This is the kind of music you like, eh?  Very sort of nightclub-ish, which is not surprising.   This music evokes dark, smokey rooms with floor lighting and plenty of booze.

July 11th, 12:48am: “i’m about to put a clip up that i am literally crying laughing about-crying because it’s creepy..laughing because it’s odd..but both funny @“

Okay, I looked at this clip.  Maybe they are trying to send a message to you.

July 11th, 12:51am: “the same time. My best friend in NYC sent it 2me. it’s really just, GENIUS..& f*c*i*g AMAZING@ the same time..WOW http://tinyurl.com/nve4oh”

You’re pretty thin, Lindsay.  Eat a donut or a burger for Chrissakes.

July 11th, 12:52am: “oh… and- who actually sat home and thought i’m even somewhat important enough to make a strange video of?? i do love massive attack though”

Here’s the question, is Lindsay obsessed with this video or just herself?  Oh, man the clip of that entertainment guy is so annoying.  What won’t these people cover?

July 11th, 3:35pm: “ http://twitpic.com/a0rlf – @jzelly My best friend since 12! :)”

Hot girls stick together.  Do you guys have some sort of secret club?  And if I join, will you mail one of yourselves to me once a month?

July 11th, 4:42pm: “with @allisonmelnick heading out to get some Lia Sophia!!!!!!!!”

Lia Sophia is jewelry, bros.  That’s it Lindsay, drown your sadness in bling.

July 11th, 11:47pm: “http://twitpic.com/a3667 – Melissa @ silver spoon smiles for the paparrazzi in front of Lauren Moshi painting”

Super.  Who cares?  What kind of paparrazzi would use that shot?  Can’t even see her face and it’s not embarrassing.

July 13th, 5:45pm: “Incubus tonight @ Hollywood Bowl- The duke’s spirit opening for them- be there or be square hehe”

Careful, I hear they sell marijuana at those things.

July 14th, 5:07pm: “My sister is AMAZING! A girl is being mean to her and said something vulgar- “you’re sister’s the celeb, not you, you dumb b!t*h”

OMG!  That is SO amazingly boring I don’t care.  Wait, how old is Lindsay now?  15?  16?  23?!  Jesus Christ.

July 14th, 5:08pm: “My sister responded with, “wow. you clearly need to seek help.” I LOVE YOU ALIANA be the bigger person. Name calling is mean. I miss you”

Yes, the Lohans are clearly qualified to point out who needs help.

July 15th, 6:59am: “being lied to after being my father’s daughter…. is miserable, especially when you’re finally back on track. miss u mommy thanks s********”

It’s amazing how incredibly tough your life is.  My God, the money, the fame—  Oh!  We really feel for you out here in foreclosure and unemployment land.

July 16th, 11:28pm: “I prefer Adam Lambert rather than glambert… A bit too negative. And @mattgiraud KILLED IT!!!! NICE WORK!!”

I am so out of the celebrity loop, I have to keep googling the names you’re dropping.  Aren’t you supposed to be acting or something?

July 17th, 12:18am: “http://twitpic.com/am4hr – She looks terrified! I am 2-being preached to by danny g – threw off my whole swagger this eve”

Oh, 20-something drama, how I have not missed you.  Would like to go through this transcript in 10 years with Lindsay and watch her go, “Oh, fuck.  Did I sound like that?”

July 27th, 5:54am: “i heart creme de pirouline chocolate hazelnut wafers”

Heart a box of them, cutie.  You need the calories.

July 27th, 5:56am: “TRUE BLOOD WAS SOOOOOOOO AMAZING THIS WEEKEND~! ahhhh more more more!”

I heard it was decent, but I’m just so sick of vampires.  I’m watching the Wire.  It’s awesome.

4 hours ago: “OMG i just met Mia Michaels byron&tracey’s salon when i was leaving!! amazing she is so brilliant! i fan’d out -hope i didn’t scare her!”

Well, you scared me a little.  Wait, gotta google.  Oh, HER.  Yeah and again, I can’t find the energy to care.  Celebrities fall from the trees in L.A.  Aren’t you a bigger star than her being in movies?  You should give her a break and put her in one of your new movies.  Help a sister out.

Okay, let’s rate Lindsay, Ms. Lohan if you’re nasty.  Surprisingly not crazy, so Insanity is only a 5.  Her Mustness does not impress me, as it is like hearing high school blather, so I give her another 5.  Style?  Well, she does have a definite style.  It is solid high school all the way.  I give it a 7.  If I didn’t hate high school, probably would’ve been higher.  That gives LL an overall average of 5.7.  Can’t say I’d recommend following her unless you’re some kind of celebrity junkie.

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