Super Frat

Bros:

Depsite Arnold’s political bent, I always liked his movies.  (Ever notice how he almost always explains to some other character how to fire a gun in his old 80’s movies?)   If he were a citizen, I have no doubt he’d be running for president in 2012 and Sarah Palin would’ve been save a whole lot of embarassment.  Now it’s time to examine his tweets because this is Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.

July 20th, 9:55pm:  “http://twitpic.com/b2ffy – Just announced budget deal with legislative leaders. Vote later this week.”

Don’t you mean “the puny legislative leaders”?

July 20th, 10:16pm:  “Good day today. Congrats to the ldrs on their hard work. Also, for my SD friends, I signed SB428 to help give SD control over seal issue.”

“SD friends”?  You mean you’ve given control of the seals to the guys at Silent Devil?!  May God help those seals.  I hope they don’t start a new seal version of Chop Fest.

July 20th, 10:28pm:  “I just checked with my staff, @lordvishal, and we will be using craigslist and ebay for the garage sale. Planned for Aug 28-29.”

California is having a garage sale?  I’ll give you $50 for the Hollywood sign.  It’s cool that I change it to “Tonywood” right?

June 21st, 3:21pm: “Here’s a video I just shot for my twitter followers. http://twitvid.io/abv1”

So you’re the a-hole that wrote his name on the hood of my new Hyundai!

July 21st, 8:05pm: “http://twitpic.com/b5tnw – You can catch me on Good Morning America and the Today Show tmrw morning. Here’s a behind the scenes look.”

Kind of a step down from behind the scenes on Commando.

July 22nd, 5:41pm: “Here I am updating the press about the budget today. http://twitvid.io/abwf”

I don’t want to criticize, Arnold, but if you shot more people during these things you’d get a lot more attention.

July 23rd, 3:50pm: “I like the way you think, @Kelly62u. We’ve started renegotiating contracts and leases and have saved $27 mil so far. Hoping for much more.”

I gotta suggestion.  We raise money for the budget by making a movie.  Here’s the pitch:  A governor that plays by his own rules, pushed too far by the Mob, the Triads and maybe some cyborgs.  He teams up with a wisecracking robot and a beautiful princess to save California and get his kid his favorite gift for Christmas.  You can donate the proceeds to save the state, but I get 5 points gross off the backend, including international sales and merchandise.  C’mon, I don’t live in California.

July 24th, 6:16pm: “Budget passed. Thanks to the legislature for the hard work last night and today. Plan to sign next week.”

What?  But I’ve already got Rob Schneider to do the voice of the robot!

July 24th, 6:26pm: “I will be going live @ www.gov.ca.gov in a few minutes to discuss the budget. Tune in!”

Only if by “discuss” you mean “creatively murder” and by budget, you mean “well-armed mercenaries with futuristic guns”.

July 24th, 6:40pm: “http://twitpic.com/bhyjh – Go to www.gov.ca.gov for my webcast now. Finishing up practice.”

Look out!  A miniature Terminator that wants public money for kids’ school lunches is coming back through time to stop you!

July 26th, 8:22pm: “Don’t forget to watch this week’s youtube address: http://bit.ly/pgkaf”

I get scared when you say, “Everyone will feel the pain”.

July 27th, 12:57pm: “I can’t stand bureaucracy like that, @dwgranda. Sara deserves to take the test. I hope they do the right thing. http://bit.ly/a9zFG”

Here’s the link.   Go Arnold!

July 27th, 7:21pm: “Just heard the Supreme Court will let Sara take the exam tmrw. I’m glad they made the right decision & I wish her luck. http://bit.ly/a9zFG”

Isn’t it awesome when the government intervenes to help people.  I, uh, oh wait.

July 28th, 12:57pm: “I’ll be signing the budget at 11AM today at www.gov.ca.gov. Watch the webcast.”

Could you add an extra clause on that bill that states you’ll never play a Batman villain again?

July 28th, 2:00pm: “I will be signing the budget any minute, webcast at www.gov.ca.gov. Waiting for media to get set up.”

An hour waiting?  Do you realize how many people you could’ve shot by now?

July 28th, 2:47pm: “http://twitpic.com/bxs5n – Here’s a behind the scenes shot of the budget signing.”

You really ought to jazz it up like Behind the Scenes in Raw Deal.

July 28th, 6:13pm: “I couldn’t be more proud: 800,000 more Californians volunteered last year. 989 million hrs of service. Next year we’ll hit a billion hours.”

Are you counting the people that work at In and Out Burger?  Because working in fast food is almost like working for free.

July 29th, 6:38pm:  “Calling a Special Session of the Legislature to consider Tax Commission recs for modernizing CA tax system when they’re released.”

Do you ever just sit back and go, “Damn, this is boring.  Way more boring than banging supermodels.”

July 29th, 6:41pm: “CA had a 28% increase in revenue in 99/00 followed by 26% drop in 01/02. It is outrageous, and it’s no way to budget. Need to stabilize.”

How dare the free market have ups and downs!

July 29th, 7:02pm: “Joe Mathews’ humorous take: http://bit.ly/t3lPu. Our budget showed every1 we need reform but a Lakers story will get sports fans interested”

Oh, boo hoo, you lose a Laker.  How about letting another city win the championship for once?

July 29th, 9:43pm: “Watch for me on On the Record with Greta @ 7 on Fox News.”

Nah, I like the before Greta.

July 31st, 1:59pm: “Starting an event now honoring National Guard and announcing great educational benefits. Watch live: http://tweetcast.in”

If you want to honor them, why don’t you bring them home?  Oh, right, you let the federal government tell you where you can send your troops.  Get them back, AS.  You could have an army of superman at your command!

July 31st, 3:58pm: “http://twitpic.com/caahb – Announcing great new education benefits for the CA Nat’l Guard”

WTF?  I thought you were cutting money from your budget.

August 10th, 1:20pm: “Here’s an 8 year-old proving the California Dream and entrepreneurial spirit are alive and well: http://bit.ly/sxhuF”

Helpin’ the little guy, nice.

August 12th, 4:59pm: “Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I am in Massachusetts, feeling very grateful to have known Eunice and to have been inspired by her.”

Avenge her death, Arnold.  Avenge it.

August 12th, 1:19pm: “Being here right now, I can just hear Eunice saying, “Don’t make this so much about me. Make this a call to service.””

That and “Don’t let Teddy drive.”

August 15th, 1:24pm: “http://twitpic.com/e03wd – About to  be briefed on the Lockheed Fire and will discuss our firefighting efforts at 10:30. Watch at http:/ …”

No, offense Arnold, but you’re not the best guy to STOP fires.

August 18th, 3:38pm: “http://twitpic.com/eds0u – At a rally with the Latino Water Coalition. We need a comprehensive water package. Water feeds CA and CA feed …”

Yes, you must keep your Latinos watered.

23 hours ago: “Starting a Big Five meeting right now to talk to legislative leaders about our priorities.”

Does anyone ever accidentally called you “Conan” in a meeting?

22 hours ago: “You can watch webcast of my press conf about Chino prion tour now at http://tweetcast.in. I’m about to go on!”

Ah, yes.  Can you please legalize pot already?  You practically have it already.  Then you wouldn’t have this mess.   And it’s not like a “scene from one of your movies”, the prisoners there can emote.

4 hours ago: “http://twitpic.com/ehln1 – I just toured Chino state prison and thanked the great staff for their bravery during the recent riot”

Legalizing pot would be a bigger thank you.

11 minutes ago: “http://twitpic.com/eiif6 – Briefing on H1N1 virus. Discussing response so far, what we’ve learned, and future planning.”

Whatever you do, don’t show us the secret plans regarding the virus.

8 minutes ago:  “http://twitpic.com/eiir5 – Here’s a page from the H1N1 briefing.”

Great!  Now everyone knows about the secret plan to save Scarlett Johannsen, Carmeron Diaz and Megan Fox first.

Now it’s time to rate the Governator.  For Style, I have to give him a 6.  The tweets just aren’t as cool without the accent.  For Insanity, I give a 7.  He left show business for this?!   And for Mustness, I give him an 8 because, c’mon, he’s Arnold.  Something weird is going to happen one day.  He’ll jump off the podium and maybe save a small child or shoot an assassin before he draws his gun.  If not, well, I can work up a pitch where that will totally sound plausible.  We’ll get Martin Landau to play your dad, Amy Adams as the love interest and Michael Ironside as your old partner back for revenge.  Have your guy call my guy and we’ll do lunch.

And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.