Super Frat

Welcome to Twitter in Focus, where media comes to die.  In honor of St. Patty’s Day today, our contestant is Irish pornstar, Faye Reagan.  I think this column will get your Irish up if you know what I mean.

January 17th, 8:20pm: “Great, was gonna consider getting up but then Whiskey decided to come take a nap on my chest. I cannot disturb her. Now Im stuck until…”

My God, she’s a pornstar and she makes whiskey bottles come to life and move around!

January 17th, 8:29pm: “If a kitty decided to lay/nap on you, you then become immobilized until said kitty is done using u for their personal lounging pleasures.”

Oh, your cat.  Lucky cat.

January 17th, 8:30pm: “You may be out for 2 min or 2 hr, but u must never, under any circumstance try to move said kitty. This is common cat lover knowledge.”

Jeez, that cat has you trained.  You are one hot cat lady.

January 17th, 8:31pm: “Cuz like it or not, cats do rule their masters. Not the other way around.”

The problem is, you keep thinking with your pussy.  What?

January 17th, 8:35pm: “That being said, can somebody bring me a lighter? Mine is about 2 inches outta reach.”

You’re going to light your cat on fire?  You don’t like cats as much as we thought.

January 17th, 8:41pm: “Cats r also very intuitive. Whiskey, knowing I needed the lighter, just moved NEXT to me so I could reach it.”

Run, Whiskey!  Run!  You’re highly flammable!

January 17th, 8:42pm: “She did however, make sure to stretch her paw out onto my chest to let me know I wasn’t to go far.”

You know, it’s nice to see a pornstar not constantly flack her website.  Kudos, Faye.

January 17th, 8:49pm: “There r ways 2 get around this rule; howevr, they r only 2 b used n desperate times such as needing 2 pee, earthquakes or death of a loved 1”

Wait a minute.  Cat is not some pornstar code word I don’t know about, is it?

January 17th, 8:51pm: “U can: 1. Have somebody shake their food bowl or 2. Call ur the other cat. Kitties can be VERY jealous.”

My God, this cat has you trapped.  Are you naked?  This story would be better if you were naked.  Just sayin’.

January 17th, 9:00pm: “Ok, now that you all have come to realize that I’m going to eventually grow up to be the local crazy cat lady… Well I’ll just shut up now.”

That could be a porn movie!  The Cat Lady!  She gets pussy!

January 17th, 9:25pm: “But not without this <3 http://yfrog.com/1dtxotj”

Just don’t do one of those weird pornos where the guy is dressed in a cat suit.  It’s just too distracting to masturbate to.

January 17th, 9:27pm: “Kitty kisses <3”

Although you in a cat suit, that would be sexy.  Costuming for the ladies is usually great, for the guys, it’s just weird.  Who wants to draw more attention to dudity?

January 17th, 9:30pm: “And me in bed looking haggard… Hmmm, I clearly was not thinking when I posted that. See what kitties can do to you!?!”

At 21, you look anything but haggard.

January 17th, 9:32pm: “She tricked me into posting a horrible pic of me in my deathbed by giving me those kisses. Shes very clever.”

Okay, now I’m ready for a website plug.  I’ll spare you the many guys’ responses trying to impress her with cat knowledge.

February 17th, 4:14pm: “I really hate the Progressive Car Insurance lady. A lot.”

Ooo, a month later and she’s full of hate for a cartoon woman.  Weird.  She’s just doing her cartoon job, Faye.

February 17th, 4:35pm: “Tom & Jerry was on when I turned on the TV. Man, how are cartoons with NO dialogue whatsoever so very entertaining? And addictive.”

You just like it because there’s a cat in it.

February 17th, 4:39pm: “Damn!! I hate this mouse just as much as the Progressive Lady… maybe more. Grrrrr. I wish the cat would just eat it him already!”

Eat Jerry?  Whoops, another porno title.

All righty, let’s evaluate Faye.  For Style, I give her a 6, fairly genuine, a little too much cat though.  For Mustness, I say 8.  If you follow pornstars, at least follow one that doesn’t constantly flack her site.  It’s a bit more interesting.  Finally, for Insanity, I give her a solid 7.  She truly is a cat lady. That’s an overall score of 7.  Not bad Irish.  And if you have a suggestion for Twitter in Focus, email us here.