Super Frat

Hey, bros! Welcome to Twitter in Focus where media comes to die. This week’s contestant is the flipside of the argument from last week, Lindsay Lohan. This TIF is a long time in coming. Let’s face it, her tweets have the potential to be a blockbuster of hilarity like Courtney Love. Will she be crazier? Funnier? Smarter? Less coherent? Let’s find out.

July 7th, 7:09pm: “It is clearly stated in Article 5 of the U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights that….”

No, no. You’re not going to…

July 7th, 7:09pm: “, “No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.””

…compare yourself…

July 7th, 7:12pm: “this was taken from an article by Erik Luna.. “November 1 marked the 15th anniversary of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines. But there were no”

…to people who…

July 7th, 7:13pm: “celebrations, parades, or other festivities in honor of this punishment scheme created by Congress and the U.S. Sentencing Commission….””

…get real jail time?

July 7th, 7:13pm; “Instead, the day passed like most others during the last 15 years:Scores of federal defendants sentenced under a constitutionally perverted””

It’s amazing how people suddenly become human rights lawyers when faced with jail time.

July 7th, 7:13pm: “system that saps moral judgment through its mechanical rules.””

You’re a little late on the “concern train”, LL. I mean, c’mon, the US is TORTURING PEOPLE. Innocent people, I might add. And while I agree we have some draconian laws in this country that try to legislate morality. The time to get upset about them is before you end up in court. Still, you are too hot to go to jail. Maybe they should build a hot jail and install webcams. Cut your sentence down to days as long as we can all watch. It would be like community service only sexier.

July 7th, 7:15pm: “http://tinyurl.com/29kxdyf — please RT”

Yeah, that sucks. But I can’t help but feel that you are making a comparison here. It’s not the same, LL. You got money, wealth, fame and ergo, choices even if you don’t “feel” that you do.

July 8th, 11:21pm: “I love my mother… she is amazing and strong* she’s all i could ask for and more, by taking on the role of my mother and father all my life”

That’s nice.

July 10th, 6:02am: “RT @samantharonson: Hey Joan Rivers- you have collagen older than Lindsay, pick on someone your own age, oh (cont) http://tl.gd/2dtt75”

Ba dum-dum! Joan Rivers is so old, her first STD was a trilobite fungus! Ba dum-dum!

July 12th, 9:46am: “Crazy!! Just saw someone win a Gucci bag on FashionBay for like a buck and change!! WOW! http://bit.ly/9oak6G Ad”

Really? Man, vodka can really erase a lot can’t it?

July 13th, 2:48pm: “Joan Rivers and her “stargument” make me believe that she and Michael Lohan are a match made in heaven….”

Ba dum— Ah, no.

July 13th, 2:48pm: “…all he needs is her botox doctor. “Dr.” Drew- any ideas? Botox rehab reality show?”

A word of advice: When you get to the prison yard, don’t tell jokes.

July 13th, 2:51pm: “in the words of 50 cent.. “You shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house and if you got a glass jaw, you should watch yo mouth””

50 cents quotes, I WOULD remember for jail.

July 13th, 3:02pm: “the beach is gorgeous today”

Hey, wait until you see the prison’s beach. It’s amazing!

July 14th, 10:30pm: “This site has fantastic deals on home decor and gifts. Up to 70% off… Join now and RT >> http://lx.im/5Ld3 (Ad)”

Yeah, I’ll bet you can find some neat stuff to decorate your cell with.

July 15th, 3:57pm: ”
Today Norton and I warned people about unsafe searches, don’t be fooled! – (cont) http://tl.gd/2hj1u6″

Oh, you mean that Nigerian prince isn’t going to send me 30 mill? God dammit!

July 16th, 4:18pm: “If you haven’t checked out FashionBay yet, you gotta do it!! It’s super awesome!! http://bit.ly/ahZ3FE Ad”

Guess all that political prisoner stuff is over, huh?

July 16th, 6:15pm: “thank you @thebritishladyv from lindsay lohan’s team for being a part of working w/children in need today #makeadifference”

OMG! Have those kids seen the deals on FashionBay yet?

July 18th, 10:48pm: “I don’t want Michael Lohan Sr. anywhere near me, no matter where I am. I am in a great place and he only brings negativity in my world.”

Okay, I’m just spit balling here, but there’s this show called Intervention. I think it would do you good to go on. All I ask is for 1% of the gross profits from that episode. C’mon, that’s fair.

July 19th, 10:29am: “Ok, last thing I want to say about FashionBay. Best, Site, Ever! http://bit.ly/9oak6G Ad”

Countdown to jail, LL. And Louis Vuitton don’t make orange jumpsuits.

20 hours ago: “the only “bookings” that i’m familiar with are Disney Films, never thought that i’d be “booking” into Jail… eeeks”

Ha! Hahahaha! Now THAT is a funny joke to tell your new cellmate…if you want to be beaten with a bar of soap in a sock for ten minutes. What the Hell is wrong with you? You’re going to jail!

Okay, let’s rate Lindsay. For Style, I give her a 6. You just try too hard, LL. For Mustness, will right now it’s a 0, in 90 days it’s going to be 10, but I think it will probably settle out to an average of 8. And finally, Insanity. Oh, yes 10. That’s an overall score of 8, but because you’re hot LL, I’m bumping it up to 9. See you in October!

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