Super Frat

This one was a sample for an Onion-esque site. It was actually a little too like the Onion for them, but I don’t remember if I eventually got any work. Other than the Saddam references, I think it holds up pretty good.

U.S. Troops Free T.G.I. Yogurt!
Iraqis taste fat-free freedom!
Copyright 2003
by Tony DiGerolamo

Baghdad, Iraq: An unnamed spokesman for the Pentagon today confirmed that the Army’s 3rd Infantry Division had taken the T.G.I. Yogurt stand just outside Baghdad International Airport late Friday evening. The owner, Saleed Al Mohammed, thanked the coalition soldiers with a child’s size serving of Strawberry Smoothie. “I’m thinking of renaming it Freedom Smoothie. We used to have to call it the Saddam Smoothie after he visited here in 1993. Sales went right down then. No one knew what flavor it was.”
Mohammed’s neighbors and businesses along the same stretch of plaza also praised the valiant Americans. “We hate the Republican Guard,” said Kali Al Shae, a video rental store manager. “When they were in the yogurt stand, you couldn’t get any service. They were always throwing their weight around. One of them took my spork just to be mean. They’re all jerks.”
The war has been particularly tough on Ali Al Quaela, Saleed’s teenage clerk. “When Saddam was in power, no one would come into the store for days. Mohammed couldn’t pay me, so I’d bring smoothie home for my family. It was great at first, but now we’re sick of it. How much frozen yogurt can one person eat? Thank God for the Americans.”
Amidst the rubble strewn streets and abandoned bunkers made of sand bags, Saleed Al Mohommed mixes his banana-berry and orange-berry yogurt treats in anticipation of the next wave of soldiers. “There’s talk that Ben & Jerry’s will open across the street, but I already have product saturation here,” assures Saleed. “The soldiers here still need to keep on their toes. You can’t get weighted down with all that heavy chocolate. You can quote me. Frozen yogurt is here to stay!”