Your Fratoscope: October 3, 2010
on October 3, 2010 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your friend’s wedding turns out to be a great place to hook up and have sex. As a bonus, the priest is a very gentle lover.
Aries: The stars say get some exercise. Instead of eating fried ice cream, deep frying some sugarless ice cream. Baby steps, Chubs.
Taurus: It turns out, that “true love” you met last year and had a baby with? Yeah, that horoscope was meant for Gemini. We typed them in one sign off. Sorry.
Gemini: Still no luck finding “the one”, huh? Maybe porn is your destiny. You do like the smell of hand cream.
Lemini: This week, you’ll be forced to learn the rules of bowling after being corrected by the lane manager for screaming “Four!” with every ball.
Cancer: This week, you’re gonna get punched for some shit you did. Try not to flinch too early. We don’t want that psycho who will be wailing on you to know that we told you.
Leo: Bad news is, your car gets keyed. The good news is, it says, “I think I love you!”
Virgo: Your campaign to get on the fuck list fails. It turns out, you’re a Fem Bot anyway.
Libra: This week the ghosts of the Wright Brothers appear to you and tell you that you will never be a pilot. When you explain to them that you don’t want to be a pilot, they ask to see some I.D. and then get directions to another house.
Scorpio: The scientist you hire explain that they can clone you, but that you’ll have to wait the 18 years to have sex with yourself. Tough break, pervo.
Sagittarius: The stars say, for God’s sake, just order a cheeseburger. Everyone at the table is hungry and you never order anything else anyway.
Capricorn: Your attempt to “get ahead of the pack” this week works well with job interviews, but fails miserably with Trick or Treating.
Aquarius: Your boss will chew you out at work for something a coworker did. Try not to let it bother you. Your coworker is, deep down, a nice guy and his wife is amazing in the sack.
Pisces: Your research hits a snag when the monster escapes. You really oughta do that shit in a lab instead on your apartment balcony.
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