Super Frat

Hey Bros

This week we travel back to the mid-90’s for a Tom Cruise parody sketch. Remember Days of Thunder. Yeah, I went through this phase of making a lot of pun-related sketches. This one never made the cut, mainly because my sketch resources by the 90’s weren’t so great and this would’ve required way too many props and people. And now, of course, who remembers this stupid movie? Still, it’s kind of a general Cruise parody. Just punch in your favorite generic Cruise movie and do a pun with the title.

Days of Wonder
written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 1994

White lettering over a black background ZOOMS IN with the word “CRUISE” in bold lettering.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
Cruise.

INT. BAKERY-DAY

A TOM CRUISE CHARACTER, dressed in a baker’s uniform, kneads dough in an intense montage.

CRUISE CHARACTER
(voice over)
With the right training and the right
recipe, there’s nothing I can’t do.

ANGLE ON LETTERING

This time it says, “Some Old Guy”.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
Some old guy.

INT. BAKERY-DAY

The OLDER BAKER and his TWO ASSISTANTS greet the Cruise character on his first day at the bakery.

OLDER BAKER
(slyly)
You may think you’re hot stuff, but
there’s a lot of things the average
person doesn’t know about bread.

CRUISE CHARACTER
(challenging tone)
Teach me.

ANGLE ON CRUISE

He is kneading dough at a tremendous rate. In the background, the older baker talks to the BAKERY MANAGER.

BAKERY MANAGER
He’s good. Got a lot of raw talent.
Think he can take the heat?

OLDER BAKER
Maybe. Reminds me of myself.

ANGLE ON LETTERING
The letters read, “The Really Hot Chick”.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
The really hot chick!

INT. BAKERY-DAY

The older baker introduces the Cruise character to an absolutely gorgeous female PASTRY CHEF.

OLDER BAKER
Kid, this is the new pastry chef.

PASTRY CHEF
(sexy)
Hi. I hope we get to work together.

CRUISE CHARACTER
(smug)
Yeah, it should be fun.

INT. BAKERY-NIGHT

The pastry chef throws the Cruise character onto a table full of flour and begins to kiss him passionately.

INT. BAKERY CAFETERIA-DAY

The Cruise characters and the baking assistants are all on break. The older baker enters, furious and covered with flour.

OLDER BAKER
Who the Hell put all that yeast in
the dough?!

CRUISE CHARACTER
I did. It makes it rise faster.

OLDER BAKER
You let me catch you hotdogging like
that again and you’re out of here!

ANGLE ON CRUISE CHARACTER

He is trying to pull a gigantic loaf of bread out of the oven. The older baker runs onto the scene.

OLDER BAKER
No, kid! Leave for someone else!

CRUISE CHARACTER
I can handle it! I can handle it!

The bread falls on top of the Cruise character.

CRUISE CHARACTER
(screaming)
Ahhhhhhh!

INT. BAKERY-NIGHT

The older baker and the kid are having a heart to heart.

CRUISE CHARACTER
I can’t do it anymore.

OLDER BAKER
(furious)
You get back to the stove and bake! Do
you hear me?! Bake!

CRUISE CHARACTER
I can’t! I can’t do it anymore!

ANGLE ON LETTERING OVER A LOAF OF BREAD

The letters read, “Days of Wonder”.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
Days of Wonder. Starring Tom Cruise.
Coming to theatres this summer.