Your Fratoscope: March 13, 2011
on March 13, 2011 at 3:30 amIf your birthday is this week: This week, Mummar Kaddafi will attempt to befriend you on Facebook. Trust your instincts. He’d make an excellent addition to your Mafia Wars game.
Aries: The stars say, you will laugh at a video from YouTube just as your boss walks past your cubicle. You will be promoted because he thinks you’re laughing at his joke. Nice.
Taurus: Your attempt to create a “No-Fly Zone” over your house fails miserably. Maybe you should find a place further from airport.
Gemini: You will make a joke about the Japanese earthquake in a Hello Kitty store. The police report will later read that you were “beaten unconscious by an unruly mob of little girls.” You can make up for the joke here.
Lemini: Your roast will taste terrible. Next time you drop raw meat in the sand, wash it thoroughly. Your theory about “heat killing dirt” doesn’t make any sense.
Cancer: Your girlfriend is pregnant. Maybe next time don’ t buy gas station condoms.
Leo: Your McDonald’s French Fry order will contain an onion ring, which is weird because they don’t make them.
Virgo: Your stalker will abruptly resign, claiming he’s just too bored watching you.
Libra: Your hipster pig farm is a disaster. All the pigs refuse to give up their bacon because “it’s been done”.
Scorpio: The stars say, your homemade lube causes most of your swinger guests to break out in a rash. Fortunately, most of them already have STD’s so no one notices.
Sagittarius: This week, a monkey will give you the finger.
Capricorn: Your current relationship gets complicated this week. Turns out, that cougar you’ve been dating never divorced her husband. Don’t bother grabbing your pants, he just returned from a gun show.
Aquarius: It’ll be a pretty boring week. Although you will see some pantless guy running away from your neighbor’s house.
Pisces: Eating 75 cupcakes in one sitting will seem like a good idea at the time, until you realize that you could’ve had one cupcake for 75 days if you had just thought about it.
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