Your Fratoscope: March 20, 2011
on March 20, 2011 at 12:10 amIf your birthday is this week: This week, Satan apologizes to you. He won’t be able give you YouTube fame for your soul. Rebecca Black’s deal predated yours.
Aries: Good news! Your lawn still doesn’t need to be cut despite the warm weather. That’s probably because you skipped raking last fall.
Taurus: Your hootin’ annie will merely be a hoedown.
Gemini: The stars say, now is the time to take a vacation. Maybe you should summer in Cellblock C instead of B. It’s lovely that time of year.
Lemini: Your spa day does not go as planned. It turns out, listening to reggae and the Mighty Mighty Bostones is something else entirely.
Cancer: This week, an angry mob will beat you for parking in a handicapped space. Ironically, this will get you a handicapped sticker for your car.
Leo: Stop being such a worrier, Leo. Loan sharks are a lot more understanding that people give them credit for.
Virgo: You will never find out the real name of the Xbox player by Googling his tag. Just let his trash talk go.
Libra: Your mechanic takes your car on a little joy ride without your permission. The good news is, you find his daughter’s graduation cake in the trunk of your car. Enjoy!
Scorpio: Turns out, your hot, steamy love affair with Liv Tyler wasn’t real. The girl you’ve been shagging just looks like her. Then again, who cares?
Sagittarius: Roll with the punches this week, Sagittarius, that bouncer is bound to get tired of punching you sooner or later.
Capricorn: This week, you’ll discover that, no, your laptop won’t float.
Aquarius: Your charity food drive backfires. Turns out, the homeless do not like pickled beets.
Pisces: Keep renting your favorite movies at Blockbuster, they’re bound to go out of business sooner or later.