Super Frat

Hey Bros!

Wow, did I find something interesting in my files. Apparently, I wrote an entire Robocop script for the comic book. I had totally forgotten about it. Plus it’s funny. Enjoy!

Frank Miller’s Robocop in “Paperwork”
written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2004

PAGE 1

PANEL 1: SPLASH PAGE: EXT. STREETS OF OLD DETROIT-LATE DAY

ROBOCOP (AKA: MURPHY) is getting out of his cruiser with his gun already drawn. He is positioned in between the open door and the body of the car. From OFF PANEL the car is being torn to pieces by a barrage of bullets. One of the tires gets hit.

SFX: Blam-blam-blam! Ping! Ratta-tat-tat! Pop! Ssssss…

MURPHY
You have attacked a police officer in violation
of city statute one-one-seven-two-zero. Cease
firing, place your weapons on safety and
surrender them to the nearest authorized law
enforcement officer. You have ten seconds to—

PAGE 2

PANEL 1: ANGLE ON ROBOCOP AND CAR

The cruiser explodes, hurling Murphy into the side of the nearest building. He drops his gun.

SFX: Ka-boom!

PANEL 2: ANGLE ON GANG MEMBERS

They come out of a boarded up factory building catty-corner from Robocop. There are SIX YOUNG GANG MEMBERS heavily armed with state-of-the-art machine guns. They have gang colors of a monkey holding a wrench. The lead gang member, PRIMO, yells at the dazed cyborg.

Rusty machinery litters the area around the building. In the middle of that is a large tank whose fading letters still say, “KEROSENE”. There is a faded flame logo on either side of the word.

PRIMO
How you like that, Robocop?! That’s what
you get for killin’ my brother!

PANEL 3: GROUP SHOT: GANG AND MURPHY

Robocop opens his hand. His gun is several feet away. The gang reloads and prepares to shoot him again.

SFX: Shink! Click! Click!

PRIMO
Eye for an eye! Whatchu say to that?!

MURPHY
Magnetic…palm…activated…

PANEL 4: ANGLE ON ROBOCOP’S HAND

The pistol, drawn by Robocop’s magnetic palm, flies right into his hand.

SFX: Clang!

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON PRIMO AND GANG

Primo realizes the gang is standing right next to the kerosene tank.

PRIMO
Oh, shit!

PAGE 3

PANEL 1: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He fires.

MURPHY
Eye for an eye.

SFX: Blam-blam-blam!

PANEL 2: ANGLE ON GANG

The tank explodes, sending the gang members flying.

SFX: Ka-boom!

PANEL 3: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He puts his pistol back inside his hip holster. Flaming debris and gang member body parts rain down around him.

MURPHY
Situation neutralized. Area secure.

PANEL 4: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He begins to walk back to headquarters.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk!

MURPHY
Returning to headquarters.

PAGE 4

PANEL 1: EXT. NEW DETROIT POLICE STATION-EVENING

A bus pulls up to the bus stop near the police station.

NARRATION
One bus ride later…

PANEL 2: INT. FRONT OF BUS-EVENING

Murphy uses his bus pass with a magnetic stripe to pay for his ride.

BUS PASS SWIPER: Swipe!

BUS DRIVER
See Murphy? Didn’t I tell ya a bus pass was
a deal with all the cop cars you blow up?

MURPHY
Affirmative. This pass paid for itself in only
three-point-five police cruisers. Thank you
for the ride.

BUS DRIVER
Hey, no problem. Believe me, it’s a pleasure
to have you aboard…

PANEL 3: WIDE SHOT OF THE BUS WITH DRIVER AND ROBOCOP

The bus driver glances back to the BUS PASSENGERS. They are all good citizens of New Detroit on their way home from work, except for TWO YOUNG PUNKS. They are busy washing the graffiti off the inside of the bus. The punks look annoyed, but the passengers look happy.

BUS DRIVER
Keeps these kids in line. Know what I mean?

MURPHY
Yes. Their community service has been registered.
Further attempts to vandalize city property will be
prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

PANEL 4: ANGLE ON ROBOCOP

He walks toward the front door as the bus pulls away.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk!

BUS SFX: Vrooom…

PAGE 5

PANEL 1: INT. POLICE STATION-EVENING

Robocop enters the station. The DESK SERGEANT looks frustrated. He knows Murphy has wrecked another cruiser. The Desk Sergeant is a crusty old cop with a mustache and gray hair.

MURPHY
Desk sergeant, please requisition another squad
car for—

DESK SERGEANT
Dammit Murphy! I know who its for! Only one
person in this precinct goes through cruisers like
pairs of underwear!

PANEL 2: TWO SHOT: MURPHY AND DESK SERGEANT

MURPHY
Please estimate time period for delivery of
replacement cruiser.

DESK SERGEANT
It’s Friday, Murphy! They won’t even begin
processing the request until Monday.

MURPHY
Resuming patrol on foot.

DESK SERGEANT
Oh, no!

PANEL 3: TWO SHOT: MURPHY AND DESK SERGEANT

The Desk Sergeant points back to the offices where the officers keep their desks.

DESK SERGEANT
Every time you go on patrol half the city gets
blown up! You get back there and do the
paperwork!

MURPHY
But this unit—

DESK SERGEANT
This unit isn’t giving up his weekend! Now
get back there and get started!

PANEL 4: INT. POLICE OFFICE-EVENING

Murphy heads for his desk. Some of the other officers, unused to seeing Murphy in this room, take notice. LT. FRANKS, a heavy-set, plainclothes detective, notices Murphy. He’s standing next to SGT. GRADY, a young-looking uniformed officer.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk!

LT. FRANKS
(to Grady)
What’s Murphy doing in here?

SGT. GRADY
Desk sergeant chewed him out. He’s on
the desk until Monday.

PANEL 5: TWO SHOT: GRADY AND FRANKS

They look disappointed.

LT. FRANKS
Big deal. It’s not like he ever has plans for
the weekend. I’m gonna miss my kid’s
baseball game.

SGT. GRADY
Yeah and I had a hot date. I wish I was a cyborg.
He’ll probably burn through his paperwork in
a few hours.

PANEL 6: SAME SHOT

The both realize Murphy could do their work. They both get the idea and smile slyly at each other.

PAGE 6

PANEL 1: THREE SHOT: MURPHY, FRANKS AND GRADY

Murphy is sitting at his desk. There is already a pile of papers on it. Franks and Grady approach.

LT. FRANKS
(friendly)
Heeeey, Murphy.

SGT. GRADY
(friendly)
What do ya say, Murph’?

MURPHY
Greetings Lt. Franks. Sgt. Grady. How
may I be of service to you?

PANEL 2: GROUP SHOT FAVORING FRANKS AND GRADY

SGT. GRADY
That’s funny, Murph’. You could be of
service to us. Y’see, uh, Franks here can’t
finish his report. He’s uh, in need of, uh,
maintenance.

LT. FRANKS
Yeah, maintenance. You know how it is.

MURPHY
Of course. My maintenance cycle runs every
forty-eight hours. Although I must ingest
sustenance every seven-point-five hours.

PANEL 3: GROUP SHOT FAVORING ROBOCOP

Franks and Grady leave their paperwork on his desk. Franks grabs his coat and prepares to leave.

MURPHY
Waste removal cycles occur every—

LT. FRANKS
Yeah, so you understand why we need you
to do our paperwork while we have maintenance.

SGT. GRADY
Yeah-yeah, lots of maintenance.

PANEL 4: REVERSE ANGLE: OVER THE SHOULDER FROM ROBOCOP LOOKING AT FRANKS AND GRADY

The two officers are about to leave. Sgt. Grady grabs the handle of the door to shut it behind him.

MURPHY
But wait, this unit is unaccustomed to
processing your paperwork and—

LT. FRANKS
Have a good weekend, Murphy!

SGT. GRADY
If you run into any problems, just ask one of
the other guys. See you Monday!

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON ROBOCOP

He is sitting at his desk with mounds of paperwork. For the first time, he looks a little helpless. In the background, THREE UNIFORMED POLICE OFFICERS have just witnessed Franks and Grady’s little scam.

MURPHY
But—

DOOR SFX (OFF PANEL): Slam!

POLICE OFFICER #1
(to other officers)
Hey! Murphy’s doing everyone’s paperwork!

PAGE 7

PANEL 1: ANGLE ON MURPHY’S DESK

Several uniformed officers walks past Murphy’s desk leaving their paperwork behind and heading out for the weekend.

POLICE OFFICER #1
Thanks, Murph’!

POLICE OFFICER #2
Appreciate it, Murph’!

POLICE OFFICER #3
Have a good weekend, Muph’!

MURPHY
Wait. Stop. Halt. This unit’s primary
designation is not documentation.

PANEL 2: ANGLE ON MURPHY

The door slams. The office is now complete empty except for Murphy. The piles of paper on his desk are now huge.

DOOR SFX: Slam!

MURPHY
Officer in need of assistance.

PANEL 3: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He swivels his chair towards his computer and activates his jack.

MURPHY
Begin processing.

PANEL 4: ANGLE ON MURPHY

Murphy plugs in with his jack. The computer screen reads “Processing”.

MURPHY
Processing.

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON COMPUTER SCREEN

The screen reads, “System Overload. Network Crashed. Rebooting.”

PAGE 8

PANEL 1: TWO SHOT: MURPHY AND DESK SERGEANT

The desk sergeant pokes his head into the office. He has his jacket on and is finishing putting on his scarf.

DESK SERGEANT
G’night, Murph’.

MURPHY
Network crashed. Computers inoperable.

DESK SERGEANT
Then you’ll have to do the work manually.
There’s still some old typewriters in the
basement. G’night.

PANEL 2: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He is on his own. The desk sergeant shuts the door on the way out.

DOOR SFX: Slam!

MURPHY
Officer in need of assistance.

PANEL 3: PROFILE OF STAIRCASE

Murphy goes into the basement.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk!

PANEL 4: SAME SHOT

Murphy comes out of the basement holding a dusty typewriter.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk! Whrr, Shunk!

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He’s back at his desk, rolling a piece of paper into the typewriter.

SFX: Roll, roll, roll…

PAGE 9

PANEL 1: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He begins typing furiously. The top of the typewriter carriage comes to its end.

SFX: Clackety-clackety-clackety! Ping!

PANEL 2: ANGLE ON MURPHY

Murphy slaps the carriage back, but he’s too strong. It comes right off the typewriter and goes sailing through the nearest wall.

SFX: Smack! Crash!

PANEL 3: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He is unmoving, trying to process this information.

MURPHY
Officer in need of assistance.

PANEL 4: ANGLE ON MURPHY

His head turns and he notices a cup with a pile of pens sticking out of it.

ROBOCOP SFX: Whrrrrrr.

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON MURPHY’S HAND

He grabs one of the pens.

PANEL 6: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He attempts to do the reports by hand.

SFX: Skitch-skitch-skitch.

PAGE 10

PANEL 1: SAME SHOT

The pen snaps in Murphy’s hand.

SFX: Snap!

PANEL 2: SAME SHOT

The pen leaks all over the report.

MURPHY
Officer in need of assistance.

PANEL 3: ANGLE ON MURPHY

He sits up. He has an idea.

MURPHY
!

PANEL 4: TWO SHOT: MURPHY AND ED-209

He passes the buck to the ED-209 just like Franks and Grady did to him. Murphy is holding the pile of paperwork.

MURPHY
…so you understand why this unit needs you
to do this paperwork while undergoing
scheduled maintenance.

ED-209
This unit is unaccustomed to processing paperwork.

PANEL 5: ANGLE ON ED-209

Murphy has left the pile of paperwork on the ground in front of Ed.

MURPHY
Thanks, Ed. Have a nice weekend.

ED-209
But—

DOOR SFX: Slam!

PANEL 6: ANGLE ON ED-209

ED-209
Officer in need of assistance.