Rewritten Headlines: Tiger Woods to D.B. Cooper
on August 5, 2011 at 12:01 amHey Bros!
Hot off the presses is another edition of Rewritten Headlines. Why read the news, when I can skim it for you?
Real: Tiger Woods Returns With 2 Under
Rewritten: Tiger Woods Probably Banging Clubhouse Chicks 2 at a Time
Real: Lady Gaga Weighs in on Amy Winehouse’s Death
Rewritten: Lady Gaga Attempts to Leverage Publicity for Herself
Real: Warren Jeffs Found Guilty of Child Sexual Assault
Rewritten: Religious Perv to be Ass-Raped Soon
Real: NFL Players Ratify 10-Year Deal
Rewritten: Millionaires to Continue Obscenely Rich Lifestyles Uninterrupted
Real: Mitt Romney Pledges Opposition to Gay Marriage
Rewritten: Politician Stumps for Homophobe Vote
Real: Congressional Leaders Call Truce in FAA Fight
Rewritten: Congressional Leaders Too Embarrassed to Continue Opulent Vacations Without Actually Doing Something First
Real: Dow Jones Plunges 513, Worst Drop Since 2008
Rewritten: President Praying for Disaster to Distract Populace
Real: Is “Uncle L.D.” the Notorious Skyjacker D.B. Cooper? Experts are Skeptical
Rewritten: Experts Still With Nothing Better to do