Rewritten Headlines: Maria Sharapova to US Stocks
on September 3, 2011 at 12:01 amNews is hard, as any beauty contestant will tell you. Fortunately, our crack Super Frat news team is even lazier than you. Here now are the headlines, rewritten for your enjoyment.
Real: Serve Fails Maria Sharapova as She Falls in Third Round
Rewritten: Hot Chick Loses Tennis Match, But is Still Hot
Real: Roger Clemens to Face Retrial
Rewritten: Judges and Prosecutors Continue to Like Meeting Baseball Players
Real: Space Junk Endangers NASA Satellites, Spacecraft
Rewritten: Astronauts Forget to Pick Up Their Shit
Real: Obama Cancels Ozone Rules After Lobbying by Business
Rewritten: Politician Prefers Re-Election Cash Over Principles
Real: Dick Cheney Not Sold on Sarah Palin
Rewritten: Evil Incarnate Dislikes Moron
Real: US Stocks Fall Sharply After Dismal Jobs Report
Rewritten: Rich People Panic That Poor May No Longer Have Money to Exploit
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