Super Frat

I’m not sure when I wrote this, but there was no way in Hell we could produce this on my old college comedy show. Maybe if we used a chromakey wall. Anyhow, enjoy.

Jingling Brothers’ Inner City Circus
written by: Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 1995

EXT. CIRCUS TENT-DAY

ARNOLD ROBBINS, generic, white TV dad, MRS. ROBBINS, KATEY ROBBINS and ARNOLD JR. are all standing in front of a circus tent. Mr. Robbins addresses the camera, while the rest of the family smiles.

MUSIC: (in background throughout) Circus music

MR. ROBBINS
Don’t know where to take the family
this summer? Well, have I got a fun
time for you!

MRS. ROBBINS
And it doesn’t cost too much!

MR. ROBBINS
We’re going to the Jingling Brothers’
Inner City Circus!

WHOLE FAMILY
Yeaaaaaaa!

The Robbins run inside the tent.

INT. TENT-DAY

The interior of the tent looks like a typical three ring circus, except there is trash everywhere and a WINO at the edge of the first ring. The Robbins Family sits at the front of an AUDIENCE of spectators. PRINCE PETE, a circus animal trainer, stands in the nearest ring beside a cage.

MR. ROBBINS
(voice over)
This circus had it all! First we
saw Prince Pete and his amazing
trained pit bulls!

Prince Pete opens the cage and is pulled inside by rabid pit bulls. The Robbins Family, in awe, clap and cheer.

ARNOLD JR.
(voice over)
That was neat!

ANGLE ON ROBBINS FAMILY

They point and look upwards in awe.

MRS. ROBBINS
(voice over)
Next, there were the antics of Mr. IceMan’s
High Wire Enforcers!

ANGLE ON TIGHTROPE

A TIGHTROPE WALKER is gingerly making his way across the rope. Suddenly, a mean looking ENFORCER walks up from the other direction and grabs him by the lapels.

ENFORCERS
(furious)
You’re two days late! Where’s my
money, man?!

TIGHTROPE WALKER
(frightened)
I’m workin’ on it! I swear!

ENFORCER
Not good enough!

The enforcer throws the tightrope walker off the rope, pulls out a gun and fires after him as he falls. The crowd cheers and the enforcer takes a circus bow.

KATEY
(voice over)
Neat-o!

INT. ABANDONED BUILDING-DAY

DAREDEVIL DICK, a man in a motorcycle helmet and overalls, is trying to escape from the house.

MR. ROBBINS
(voice over)
Next, see Daredevil Dick try to escape
the House of Building Code Violations!

Daredevil Dick opens a door, but finds the room engulfed by flame. He immediately pulls a nearby fire alarm, but it comes right off the wall. He tries to leave, but the floor gives way.

DAREDEVIL DICK
Ahhhh! Help me!

ANGLE ON ROBBINS FAMILY

They watch in awe. In the background, a VENDOR is selling hypos, drugs and souvenir guns.

ROBBINS FAMILY
Oooooooo. VENDOR
Hypos! Crack! Cigarettes! Hypos!
Crack! Cigarettes!

ANGLE ON CLOWN CAR

A GROUP OF SKINHEAD CLOWNS are pulling the car and carrying bats, while the LEAD CLOWN gives the Hitler salute. He is hit in the face with a pie.

MRS. ROBBINS
And the skinhead clowns were hilarious!

EXT. CIRCUS TENT-DAY

The Robbins Family is facing the camera again.

MRS. ROBBINS
So get ready this summer!

MR. ROBBINS
Find out when the Jingling Brothers’
Inner City Circus is coming to town!

ARNOLD JR.
You won’t want to miss it!

The Robbins Family laughs, as their image is framed and shrunk above the address for tickets. As the announcers reads, the Robbins Family is mugged by TWO THUGS.

ANNOUNCER
(voice over)
The Jingling Brothers’ Inner City
Circus is coming to these locations!
For tickets, called 1-800-0-CIRCUS!
Don’t miss the show of a lifetime!

KEY: July 1-8 White Birch Amphitheater, N.J.
July 9-11 East Rutherford Dinner Theater, Ohio
July 12-19 Amish City, Pa.
July 20-27 Mormontown, Utah
July 28-August 3 Baptistville, Georgia
Aug. 4-11 Heritage USA
Aug. 11-18 Oral Roberts University
Aug. 19-26 The 700 Club
Aug. 27-Sept. 3 Kwanis Club, Illinois
Sept. 4-11 Rotary Club, Texas