Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  The “reputable” Russian dating site ships you the leg of a Ukrainian woman with a post-it saying, “You have insufficient funds to purchase this bride”.

Aries:  The stars say, your coupon for pickles has expired, but buy them anyway.  What’s fifty cents?  Pickles are delicious.

Taurus:  Your Aries wife will come home with another jar of pickles like you’re made of money, so you file for divorce.

Gemini:  Your Taurus son moves in with you after he gets into an idiotic argument with your daughter-in-law.

Lemini:  Your Gemini co-worker decides to take all the extra hours at work now that his son moved home.

Cancer:  Your Lemini boyfriend back pedals on that vacation you’ve been planning because he says he doesn’t have the money.

Leo:  Your Cancer friend gets wasted at your house because she’s depressed about her cheap boyfriend.

Virgo:  Your idiot Leo roommate has a party without your permission where some wasted chick throws up on your rug.

Libra:  A Virgo client comes into your rug cleaning shop loudly demanding service for his smelly rug.

Scorpio:  Your Libra employee takes the last of your migraine medicine after a yelling customer gives her a headache.

Sagittarius:  Some Scorpio douchebag cuts in front of you at the pharmacy to get his migraine medicine and doesn’t apologize.

Capricorn:  Your Sagittarius associate wants you to help him kill some jerk that insulted him at CVS.

Aquarius:  Your Capricorn boss recruits you to help cut up a body, but just as the you’re loading it into the car, a cop rolls by so you throw one of the legs into your neighbor’s yard.

Pisces:  You will have a great idea for a birthday prank.