Super Frat

Some of you may already be aware that I wrote two episodes of the webseries Hero Envy:  Never Meet Your Hero’s Penciller and Hero oreH.  The guys who run the show are awesome and were always awesome to me.  There was actually a third episode that I scripted so that I could play a drunken version of myself (called Ricky Rodan) that never got shot.  It was probably going to be crazily expensive to shoot anyways, but I always sort of liked this story, so what the Hell.  Here now is the script for a lost episode of Hero Envy called “Comic Book Superstar”.

Hero Envy
“Comic Book Superstar”
written by Tony DiGerolamo

INT. WALLY AND JD’S APARTMENT-DAY

WALLY and JD are packing their knapsacks for an upcoming comic book convention.

WALLY
Are you almost ready?  You’re going to
make us late for the con.

JD
There is no way I’m leaving this apartment
without the necessary protection from the
fanboy (disgusted) plague.

WALLY
You exaggerate.

JD
Do I?  Or am I prepared?  I have all the
necessary tools.

JD holds up a can of air freshener and sprays a little.

JD
Air freshener to combat the fanboy stink.

WALLY
Pine scent.  Nice.

JD holds up a container of Febreeze and sprays.

JD
Febreeze, in case my clothes come into
contact with them.

WALLY
All right, maybe in extreme cases…

JD
And the ultimate stink deterrent…

J.D. holds up a stun gun.

WALLY
Is that a stun gun?  Are you nuts?

JD
No.  I smell good and I intend to stay that way.

DEKKER enters.  He has a knapsack full of comics.

DEKKER
Dudes, what’s the hold up?  You leave me
sitting in the car with Orson?  I can only
discuss the finer points of murdered Star
Trek red shirts for so long.

WALLY
What are you in such a hurry for?

JD
Yeah, what is there?  “The Hills Have Eyes”
cast reunion or something?

WALLY
And why don’t you have a table?  You sell
comics for a living.

DEKKER
Christmas bonus, dudes.  I’ve been skimming
choice comic books from the store’s inventory
for months.  (gestures to knapsack)  This baby’s
got about two grand of fanboy geek fuel and I
aim to cash in.

WALLY
That’s so dishonest.

JD
It’s so genius.  I want in.

DEKKER
Dream on, mini-Hulk.  With that cologne you
apparently bathe in, what fanboy would trust
you?  And besides, I thought you were helping
Wally get Smitty’s career back on track.

Wally tries to gesture for Dekker to shut up, but it’s too late.

JD
Smitty?  The Smitty?

FLASHBACK

From episode #16, we see SMITTY about to vomit and then poo on J.D.

BACK TO SCENE

J.D. drops the air freshener and Febreeze.  He holds the stun gun at the ready.

JD
Well, I won’t be needing these…

Wally stops J.D. from marching out of the room.

WALLY
Wait. You gotta help me, help Smitty.

JD
Help him?!  Smitty has already emitted two
out of three bodily functions on me.  I won’t
let him live to attempt a third!

DEKKER
He could still bleed on you.

JD
Oh, there will be blood!

WALLY
The guy drew the Hulk.

JD
One issue!

WALLY
If he gets back in the game, he might get to
draw the Hulk again.

JD
So what?

WALLY
(tempting)
He’ll need people for the background.  Imagine,
being immortalized alongside the Green Goliath.

J.D. thinks about it.

ANGLE ON HULK COMIC BOOK

PANEL 1:

A COMIC BOOK J.D. watches from the rubble with a COMIC BOOK WALLY.

COMIC BOOK WALLY
That was close.  We’d better stay hidden.

COMIC BOOK J.D.
(scoffing)
Nah.  The Hulk has to be gone by now.

PANEL 2:

What resembles THE HULK lands on him at the end of a jump and squishes him.

HULK
Out of the way, douchebag!

BACK TO SCENE

J.D. likes the idea.

J.D.
(dreaming)
I could be that douchebag.  (and then)  Okay,
I’m in, but if this doesn’t work I’m tasering
him and you in the ball sack!

EXT. APARTMENT-DAY

ORSON sits in his car and patiently waits for the rest of the group.  He’s reading one of the Star Trek technical manuals.

ORSON
Hmm.  I never knew the transporter could transport
matter off the holodecks by disconnecting
the Heisenberg Compensators.  Fascinating.

As Orson is muttering to himself, J.B. slowly rises up next to him with his usual drink in his hand.

J.B.
Hey, “Bore-son”, having a nice
geek pep talk with yourself?

Orson is startled.

ORSON
You startled me.  You have the cat-like
approach of a Hupyrian, an alien native
to Ferengi space that—

J.B.
(annoyed)
Please.  Jabba the Dork.  Why are you
parked here?

ORSON
Wally, J.D., Dekker and I are attending
a comic book convention.  Why?  Are
you interested in attending?

J.B.
I’m interested in you getting out of my
parking space, Captain Re-tard.

J.D., Dekker and Wally enter.

WALLY
Leave ‘em alone, J.B. we’re leaving anyway.

J.B.
(sinister)
Don’t park in my space again or you’re going
to regret it.

J.D.
(unimpressed)
We already regret it.

DEKKER
Dude, are you drinking and driving?
(hopeful)  Cause that could end in a
bloody crash.

J.B.
(gestures to drink)
No, it’s a virgin.  Like you guys.  Only
it probably has a better chance of getting laid.

J.D. laughs uproariously.  J.B. goes back to his car to wait for Orson to roll out of his parking space.

J.D.
Oh, man!  That’s funny.  Total burn!

WALLY
(to J.D.)
You were included in that “you guys”.

J.D.
Please.  I’ve seen more ‘gine than the
thin Elvis, son.  He’s not referring to
me.  J.B. loves me!

INT. J.B.’S CAR-DAY

As J.B. waits for Orson to move, he pulls out a picture of J.D., Wally, Dekker and Orson.  He begins to tear it, paying special attention to J.D. first.

J.B.
Hate you…hate you…hate you…

EXT. ORSON’S CAR-DAY

Orson drives the group to the comic book convention.

J.D. (V/O)
How much does it cost to get into this
“geek fest”?

WALLY (V/O)
Well, it’s all weekend, so $80.

J.D. (V/O)
What?!  That better come with Wonder
Woman giving me a happy ending!

EXT. PARKING LOT-DAY

Orson has parked the car and the group gets out.  Wally looks around.

WALLY
Geez, Orson.  How many parsecs did you
park away from the convention center?

ORSON
I’m afraid any closer and we would incur
a substantial fee.

J.D.
It’ll be good for “Space Chubbs” here to
walk off some of that fat.  All of ya.  Your
flabby bodies are offensive to the pythons.

J.D. kisses his biceps.  KATEY, an attractive Goth girl, approaches the group and specifically Dekker.  She has several sheets of paper and some charcoal.

KATEY
Hey, Dekker.

DEKKER
(smiling)
Countess Katey.

J.D.
(to Wally)
Something’s wrong here.

WALLY
We’re not in Bizarro World.  Dekker
actually knows a female.

ORSON
Fascinating.

KATEY
My friends and out were out doing some
grave rubbings on some really old graves.
What brings you out to the city?

DEKKER
Comic book convention.  Business.  Speaking
of which, the comic book store got that dubbed
version of Cemetery Man you ordered.

KATEY
Great.  I’ll be by to get it.  Hey, ya know
a couple of my girlfriends and I are taking
a trip to Europe to visit famous gravesites
and massacres.  You should come.  When
we’re not out clubbing we’re back at the
hotel room cutting ourselves and making
out.  Gets pretty hot and bloody.

J.D.
Oh, my God!  The girl just offered Dekker
blood and sex in the same sentence!

WALLY
Yeah, we’ll be lucky if he doesn’t marry
her here on the spot.

DEKKER
Wow, Europe.  That’s like way out of my
price range, but…

A little disappointed, Katey walks away.

WALLY
Dekker, have you lost your mind?

J.D.
Have you lost your penis?!  That girl wanted
you!

WALLY
Yeah and she’s totally freaky in a Dekker way.

DEKKER
(unsure)
I don’t know, we seem like a perfect             match,
but a dubbed copy of Cemetery Man?  Are
you kidding me?  You don’t dub Italian
horror.

J.D. grabs Dekker by the lapels.

J.D.
A perfect match?!  You have sex with her,
dammit!  Or I fit you for a dress tomorrow!

DEKKER
Dude, I’m willing to overlook it, but I can’t
afford to go to Europe!

ORSON
You did mention the substantial amount of
profit in your backpack.

DEKKER
Two grand?  I’d need like twice that to
cover my losses back at the comic shop.
I appreciate the sentiment, but let’s just
go to the con.

Dekker starts walking to the con.

WALLY
(amazed)
Wow, beggars can be choosers.

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF THE CONVENTION

The comic book convention contains the usual booths, comics, artists, writers, etc.  There are LINES OF FANS, PEOPLE IN COSTUMES and MANY DEALERS.

ANGLE ON ORSON, DEKKER, J.D. AND WALLY

Dekker starts to move away from the group.

DEKKER
Guys, I’m off to make some dirty, dirty
money!

J.D. covers his mouth as if he gets wind of a foul odor.  He whips out a can of Febreeze and sprays a RANDOM FAN.

RANDOM FAN
Hey!

Wally pushes his Febreeze down.

WALLY
Will you stop it, please?  This are my
friends!

J.D.
Your friends, stink!

WALLY
That’s a fanboy, stereotype!  Besides,
Dekker farted right before he left.  Now
put that away please!  I have to live with
these people.

J.D.
Fine.

J.D. throws away the Febreeze.  A SECOND FAN bumps into him.  J.D. immediately hits him with the stun gun.

SECOND FAN
Oh, God!

The second fan collapses on the floor.  J.D. walks away.

J.D.
(walking away)
Heh-heh-heh.

ANGLE ON SMITTY

SMITTY, the comic book artist from Episode #16, is sitting at his table talking to an ADMIRING FAN.

SMITTY
(bragging, continuing story)
…so there I am sitting with Segal and Shuster
and I say to them, the one thing this Superman
is missing is a cape.

ADMIRING FAN
(amazed)
Wooooow!

Wally, J.D. and Orson approach.

WALLY
Hey, Smitty!

SMITTY
Wally!  Orson!

Smitty stands and shakes Wally’s hand and greets Orson, but shrinks away from J.D.

SMITTY
J.D.?!  Please, not in the face!

WALLY
No, it’s okay.  I smoothed things over
with J.D.  He’s cool.

SMITTY
(relaxing a little)
Oh, great.

J.D.
(a little bitter)
Yeah, great.  I’m only doing this for
the Hulk, not you.  And I’d better get
in the background of the next Hulk
comic you get to draw.

SMITTY
Well, you might as well know, that’s never
going to happen.

WALLY
What?  I thought you set up that convention
panel.  When the editors see all the loyal
fans you pull in to that thing…

SMITTY
The panel will be a disaster.  Ricky Rodan
is suppose to be on the panel with me.

ORSON
Ricky Rodan.  I know that name.  He did a
comic book adaptation of the story of the
Kobi Oshi Maru from Kirk’s early days in
Starfleet.  It was sublime.

WALLY
Yeah, he’s worked all over in comics.  Did
some great Green Lantern back ups.

J.D.
Oh, my God!  I know that name too!

WALLY
You do?

J.D.
Yeah, he wrote episode #23 of the Smurfs!
“A Smurf By Any Other Name!”  It’s a
classic!

ORSON
With such a diversity of work, it is hard to
see why his presence would be a determent.

SMITTY
You guys don’t understand.  Ricky Rodan is
a comic book superstar.  His fans are ravenous.
If he doesn’t show up, the room will be filled
with angry, disappointed people.  That won’t
look good to editors.

WALLY
Well, then maybe he’ll show up.

SMITTY
He’s never showed up for a panel.

WALLY
Why?

BEGIN RICKY MONTAGE

MONTAGE MUSIC:  Rock music (if possible, “Mr. Brownstone” from Guns N Roses)

INT. HOTEL LOBBY-DAY

RICKY RODAN is sitting in the hotel lobby already blitzed off his ass.  He has half a glass of Jack Daniels and Coke in his hand.

KEY:  Ricky Rodan

KEY:  Wizard World Los Angeles

Ricky attempts to get out of his seat and finish his drink at the same time.  He instead, falls back in his seat and spills his drink down his front.  He attempts to suck the remaining booze and then passes out.

INT. HOTEL BAR-NIGHT

KEY: New York Comicon

Ricky has a line up of various drinks at the bar.  He downs one after another until he gets to one owned by a HOT CHICK.  She still has her hand on the glass.  Glassy-eyed, Ricky looks down her cleavage and she slaps him and walks away.  He drinks her drink.

INT. HOTEL BAR-NIGHT

In another hotel bar, Ricky is passed out on a chair in front of dozens of empty bottles and drink glasses.

KEY: Heroes Con, Charlotte, NC

INT. HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT

KEY:  Wizard World Chicago

Dazed and confused, Ricky in a bathrobe finishes smoking a joint, blows out the smoke and collapses on his bed.  He has a hypodermic needle still sticking out of his foot.

INT. HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT

KEY: Dragon Con, Atlanta

Ricky is in the middle of an orgy with at least TWO WOMEN.  He crawls out of the sheets to do a line of coke and swig a bottle of whiskey.

INT. HOTEL BAR-NIGHT

KEY: San Diego Comicon

He reaches across the bar and grabs two different bottles.  He uncaps both bottles and pours both simultaneously into his mouth.

INT. HOTEL BATHROOM-NIGHT

KEY: Wonder Con, San Francisco

Ricky is preparing to shoot up heroin, but he’s already drunk and can’t find a vein in his arm.  He slaps it a few times, but gives up and starts aiming for his eye.  PAN RIGHT TO…

INT. HOTEL ROOM-NIGHT

Ricky screams and comes running out of the bathroom holding his eye.  He runs smack into a wall and collapses on the floor, passed out.  He’s surrounded by empty condom wrappers, whiskey bottles and drug paraphernalia.

BACK TO SCENE

Smitty, Wally, J.D. and Orson consider the situation.

SMITTY
I’m sorry fellas.

WALLY
Yeah, I’m sorry too.  Could you not taser
me in the nutsack?

J.D.
You give up that easy?  No wonder Brooke
dumped you!

WALLY
What?  Brooke didn’t dump me?!

J.D.
We can talk about your phone messages
later, Wally.  Right now we need a plan.
Orson.  Use your nerd brain.

ORSON
While I sympathize with your plight, I don’t
see how threatening me will—

J.D.
Think of something fast or I’ll beat you like
Thundar the Barbarian beats an evil robot!

WALLY
Yeah, what’s up with that?  He never uses
the Sun Sword to hit anything other than
non-living robots and—

J.D.
Not now!

WALLY
Sorry.

ORSON
Well, I suppose using logic, as a Vulcan might
do, we can assume that although Ricky Rodan
isn’t coming to the panel, he is present for the
convention.  Therefore, if we can locate his hotel
room, keep him sober until the appropriate time
and escort him to panel…

J.D.
(agreeing)
Then I get to be in the Hulk!  You’re brilliant,
Nerdlinger!  Let’s go!

INT. COMIC BOOK CONVENTION-DAY

Dekker is meeting with a comic book dealer named PIRATE BILL.  He runs Pirate Bill’s Comics.  Pirate Bill looks through the stack.

PIRATE BILL
(suspicious)
Sweet stuff here, Dekker.  Where’d you
get it all?

DEKKER
Never mind your precious little head with
the details, how much?

PIRATE BILL
I’ll go $1800.

DEKKER
C’mon, Bill!  We’re family!  I got you that signed
Bernie Wrightson Print you wanted.!  Can’t you
go any higher?

PIRATE BILL
Maybe $2000, but you’ll have to come back at
the end of the show when I got money.  Or…

DEKKER
Or what?

PIRATE BILL
Well, normally signature’s not a big deal, but
you got some stuff that Ricky Rodan wrote.
You get him to sign some shit and we’ll talk.

DEKKER
Done.

PIRATE BILL
Dude, Rodan’s unreachable.  Forget it.

QUICK FLASH BACK

KATEY
make out and cut ourselves…make out
and cut ourselves…

BACK TO SCENE

DEKKER
Dude, trust me, it’s done.

Dekker takes back his comics and marches off.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY-DAY

Wally and Orson are trying to locate Rodan, but the hotel won’t help.

WALLY
(to front desk person OFF CAMERA)
Well, thanks anyway.

ORSON
I told you, that wouldn’t work.  Hotels
don’t give out the location of their guests.

WALLY
I know, but I thought if I put on the charm…

ORSON
Mentioning your extensive collection of
Green Lantern memorabilia was unlikely
to win her over.

WALLY
(bragging)
It worked with Brooke.

ORSON
Really?

WALLY
(sadly, admitting, looking down)
No.

ORSON
Perhaps some good old fashioned Vulcan
logic will save the day.

Wally shakes his head.

ORSON
Let’s assume, he hasn’t checked in.  He’s
not in the bar and he doesn’t go to the
convention floor.  Therefore, he must be
walking in.

RICKY RODAN enters.

RICKY
Fuck n’ all!  What a dump this place is!

WALLY
How’d you do that?

ORSON
Vulcan logic, plus I saw him in the
parking lot walking up just now.

Ricky gets his hotel key and starts walking away.  Wally and Orson chase after him.

WALLY
Excuse me, Mr. Rodan!

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY-DAY

RICKY
Are you a reporter?

WALLY
Actually, we’re fans.

RICKY
I don’t talk to fans unless they’re
in a panel.

ORSON
But you never attend panels.

RICKY
(condescending)
Exactly.  Now if you wouldn’t mind…

Ricky makes a dismissive hand gesture and gets in the elevator.  J.D. turns the corner.

WALLY
J.D.!  He just got in the elevator.

J.D.
Well!  C’mon!

J.D. pushes Wally and Orson on the elevator.

INT. ELEVATOR-DAY

Wally, Orson and J.D. enter.  Ricky rolls his eyes.

RICKY
(annoyed)
Oh, bugger.

WALLY
Mr. Rodan, I don’t normally bother
celebrities, but—

J.D.
(impatient)
Let me handle this.  (to Ricky)
I apologize for my friends geeking-out
all over your jacket, but we need a favor.
One of your fellow artists fell on hard
times and he really needs you to come
to his panel.

RICKY
First off, I’m not an artist, I’m a writer.
Second off, are you a reporter?

J.D.
No.

RICKY
Well, then please fuck off.  I’m going
to my room to get pissed if you don’t
mind.

J.D.
C’mon, Ricky, we’re your biggest fans.
You wrote Hulk and the Smurfs and—

RICKY
(sarcastic)
Oh, yippee!  Fans!  Trapped with me in
a lift!  What a treat!  (and then)  Listen you
stupid tit!  I don’t give a flying fuck what you
want!  I write comic book and cartoon drivel
for children!  Not unemployed layabouts who
can’t grow up!  So go back to yer hovel peasants!

J.D.
(annoyed)
The Hulk’s not drivel.

RICKY
(moving closer)
The Hulk, especially, is drivel!

INT. HOTEL HALLWAY-DAY

The elevator opens.  Ricky is laying unconscious on the floor.  Wally and Orson are in a panic.

WALLY
What did you do?!  What did you do?!

J.D.
What?

ORSON
You assaulted a famous comic book
artist!

J.D.
He’s a writer.

WALLY
That doesn’t matter!

J.D.
I don’t think stun guns count as assault.
Besides, he was violating my personal
space.  I felt threatened.  You’ll swear
in court.

ORSON
But I didn’t—

J.D.
(threatening)
You’ll swear in court, right?

ORSON
Oh, of course.

WALLY
(freaking out)
You killed Ricky Rodan!  We’re going
to jail!

J.D.
Will you relax?  Help me carry him.

INT. RICKY’S HOTEL ROOM-DAY

The threesome carry Ricky to his room and throw him on the bed.  Ricky starts to wake up.

WALLY
Oh, my God, he’s waking up!

J.D. shocks him again.  Ricky shakes and then passes out again.

WALLY
You did it again!

J.D.
Jeez, people are always so freaked out
when they commit their first felony with
me.  Relax.  He won’t remember.

WALLY
Well, what do we do now?!

J.D.
Simple, you and Obi-Fat-Kenobi here, go
down into the convention center and make
sure the panel happens.  I’ll get Ricky there.

WALLY
He’ll call the cops!

J.D.
(dismissing)
Nah.  He’ll probably try to call a guy named
“Bob” first.  That’s what they call cops over
in England.  Can you believe it?

EXT. HOTEL HALLWAY-DAY

Orson and Wally come out of the elevator on the ground floor.  They run into Dekker, who is looking for them.

DEKKER
Guys!  Did you find Rodan?

WALLY
You could say that.

ORSON
J.D. has him trapped in his hotel room.

DEKKER
Awesome!  I need him to sign some
comics.  Think you can put in a good
word for me?

WALLY
Trust me, Dekker.  You don’t want to
tell Ricky you have anything to do with us.

ORSON
C’mon, he’ll be at the panel.

WALLY
I really think we should just leave.  What if
the cops show up?

DEKKER
Dude, we paid $80 to get into this convention.

Awkward pause.

WALLY
Dammit.

INT. RICKY’S HOTEL ROOM-DAY

J.D. has helped himself to the mini-bar and overpriced snacks.  Ricky wakes up.  J.D. turns around and fumbles with the taser.

RICKY
No, it’s all right, it’s all right, mate.

J.D.
You don’t care that I tased you?

RICKY
No.  I fuckin’ deserve it.

Ricky sits up and starts to cry.  J.D. can’t believe this.

J.D.
What are you crying for?  You’re a
comic book superstar!  Everything
on your blog is nothing but gettin’
drunk and gettin’ laid!  And you
write the Hulk!  You’re livin’ the
dream!

RICKY
No, I’m not!  Do you think I do all
those things to make meself happy?

J.D.
Duh!

RICKY
I’ve got a lot of pain inside me.  I do it
because I need to deaden that pain!

J.D.
(uncomfortable)
Dude, c’mon.  Be a man.

RICKY
(really crying)
Daddy!  Daddy why didn’t you love me?!

INT. COMIC BOOK PANEL ROOM-DAY

Wally, Orson and Dekker sit in the audience for the panel.  Smitty is at the table stalling for time.  A MARVEL EDITOR sits in the audience, along with several fans.

SMITTY
Well, we’ll be starting the panel in a
little bit.  While we’re waiting for Mr.
Rodan, did I ever tell the story of how
I helped design Galactus?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #1
(bored)
You just told us five minutes ago.

SMITTY
Oh.  Excuse me.

Smitty runs over to Wally.

SMITTY
Where is he?

WALLY
He’s coming.  J.D.’s bringing him.

SMITTY
Oh, my God.

WALLY
Seriously, he can be persuasive when
he wants.

INT. RICKY’S HOTEL ROOM-DAY

J.D. is consoling Ricky, who is bawling uncontrollably.

RICKY
(crying)
And then, when I was eight, my father
took me bike away.  He sold it to gypsies!

J.D.
Well, he probably needed the money.

RICKY
(crying)
He’s a millionaire!

J.D.
Look!  You gotta get a grip!  When I
get down, there’s only one guy I turn to.

RICKY
Who?

PAN RIGHT to reveal EL DIABLO.

EL DIABLO
Si!  Si!  Es muy bueno!  Ah, hahaha!

INT. COMIC BOOK PANEL-DAY

The crowd is getting restless.  Wally walks away from the group and makes a quick call.

WALLY
Where are you?

J.D.
(over the phone)
Don’t worry, we’re on our way down.  I
took care of everything.  I just gotta take
a shit.

WALLY
That’s more much information than I wanted.

INT. HOTEL BAR-DAY

J.D. is standing the bar with a much happier Ricky Rodan, who is sitting down.

J.D.
No, when I describe it later, then it will be too
much information.

J.D. hangs up and moves to Ricky seated at the bar.

J.D.
Wait right here.  I gotta drop some
friends off at the pool.  You’re not
gonna do anything stupid, right?

RICKY
You have saved me, my friend!  Your
appearance in the next issue of the
Incredible Hulk is assured!

J.D.
This is gonna be the best shit ever!

J.D. exits.  Ricky begins to drink his club soda.  Suddenly, J.B. pops up from behind the bar as if he’s been waiting there all along.

J.B.
Can I freshen up that club soda for
ya, Ricky?  Maybe with a little Vodka?

RICKY
No, thanks, mate.  For the first time in
a long time I’m clean and sober.

J.B.
Aw, that’s a shame because this is really
good Vodka.

J.B. waves the bottle near Ricky, who immediately weakens.

RICKY
Well, maybe just one.

J.B.
That’s the spirit.

Suddenly, the lighting turns very ominous.  J.B. laughs maniacally.

INT. COMIC BOOK PANEL-DAY

Smitty is out of stories and the audience is looking bored.  The Marvel Editor looks at his watch and starts to get up.  Wally rushes over to him.

WALLY
Hi, sir.  I’m Wally.  We haven’t met, but
I’m a good friend of Smitty’s.  If you could
just wait a few more minutes, I know Mr. Rodan
is on his way.

MARVEL EDITOR
No, offense, but this room is hot and I’m seriously
sweating.  This is a $200 shirt.

WALLY
Please, sir.  Smitty and Mr. Rodan would really
appreciate it.

MARVEL EDITOR
Fine.  Five more minutes.

INT. HOTEL BAR-DAY

J.D. comes out of the bathroom.  Ricky is gone.

J.D.
What the—  Fuck!

J.D. speed dials Wally.

J.D.
I lost him.

WALLY
What?

J.D.
I left him alone in the bar for two seconds!

WALLY
Well go find him!

INT. CONVENTION HALL-DAY

Ricky staggers around the convention hall knocking into fans and knocking over tables.

RICKY
(drunk, adlib)
Sorry.  Sorry, mate.  I apologize.  Very sorry.

ANGLE ON EL DIABLO

Ricky sees El Diablo cheering him on.

EL DIABLO
That’s it, amigo!  You can do it!

RICKY
I don’t feel well.

EL DIABLO
Be strong, amigo!  Be strong like the Hulk!

RICKY
I’m doing it, daddy!  I’m doing it, daddy!

INT. COMIC BOOK PANEL-DAY

Smitty pleads with the Marvel Editor to stay.

SMITTY
Please, just one more minute

MARVEL EDITOR
I’m sorry, I have to—

Ricky staggers in.

WALLY
Oh, my God!  He made it!

ORSON
By the Maker!

The audience applauds.  Ricky staggers toward the front of the room, but he immediately takes a detour toward Dekker.  He throws up in the knapsack.

DEKKER
My comics!

MARVEL EDITOR
That’s disgusting.  But at least you got Ricky to
show up.  Maybe I can send you some work.

WALLY
Yes!

SMITTY
Oh, God, that smell.  The smell of vomit makes me—

Smitty throws up on the Marvel Editor’s new shirt.  J.D. enters.

J.D.
Ew.  Nothing gets vomit out of a shirt.  Trust me.

J.D. sprays his Febreeze bottle.