Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:   Your pizzaman is stalking you.  He doesn’t want to have sex, just deliver all your food.

Aries:  You will be punched by a farm animal.

Taurus:  The stars say, avoid the cheese you farty bastard.

Gemini:  Your Polish Land Lady will continue to pay you rent in 2013.

Lemini:  A snowstorm in your home town will not prevent you from going out for pancakes.

Cancer:  Your sex doll will start working for a pimp and from then on it will cost you $200 for sex.

Leo:  You will become the first person ever to get into a car accident with a plane that’s in mid-flight.

Virgo:  Your saloon theme “STD’s in the late 1800’s” is not as successful as your business plan envisioned.

Libra:  You’ll discover that shaving off all your body hair and eyebrows is not a New Year’s Resolution, it’s just weird.

Scorpio:  You will lose track of all the brothers in a frat you’ve had sex with and have to start over with the A’s again.

Sagittarius:  You will be rejected for a blimp license and will need to seek alternative transportation.

Capricorn:  This week, the buzz about the office will be all about that stain on the back of your pants.

Aquarius:  You will finally be let out of the supply closet you were locked in during the office Christmas party a week ago.  Boy, did you shit a lot on that copier.

Pisces:  You will make wise choices with your Game Stop gift card so you can spend New Year’s capping bitches on Xbox Live.