Super Frat

Ingredients:  Four ripe bananas, 1/3 of a cup of melted butter, 1 cup sugar, 1 egg, 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract, 1 teaspoon of baking soda, pinch of salt, 1 1/2 cups of flour, one case of Rolling Rock, one half bottle of tequila.

Step One:  Get into fight with mom over phone because she never made you Christmas cookies, even though you’re Jewish.

Step Two:  Get pissed off, decide you could use a beer.

Step Three:  Find unguarded case of Rolling Rock in frat house fridge.  Crack one open.

Step Four:  Search Internet for cookie recipes to spite mom.  Decide banana bread would be easier.

Step Five:  Drink two more beers while assembling ingredients and trying to find a god damn mixer in frat house pig sty of a kitchen.

Step Six:  Remove crusty bits from mixer from the last time someone cooked something with it.

Step Seven:  Drink another beer.

Step Eight:  Pour ingredients, except booze, into bowl and mix.

Step Nine:  Drink another beer while rereading recipe.  Realize flour should go in last.

Step Ten:  Take forever to mix ingredients.  Drink another beer.

Step Eleven:  Realize you have not preheated oven to 350 degrees.  Turn on oven.

Step Twelve:  Drink another beer.

Step Thirteen:  Place mixture into pan.

Step Fourteen:  Remember you forgot to spray pan, say “Fuck it.”

Step Fifteen:  Drink another beer.

Step Sixteen:  Loose track of time, decide oven hot enough.  Throw pan in.

Step Seventeen:  Spot half of a tequila bottle while putting away ingredients.  Celebrate with shot.

Step Eighteen:  Drink another beer.

Step Nineteen:  Realize kitchen is a mess.  Do another tequila shot.

Step Twenty:  Call mother and leave drunken apology on voice mail.

Step Twenty-one:  Do another shot and drink another beer.

Step Twenty-two:  Decide banana bread is done, even though you forgot to time it.  Remove from oven.

Step Twenty-three:  Eat gooey banana bread like substance while drinking another beer and muttering, “Toldja mom.  I could do it.  Toldja.”

Step Twenty-four:  Stagger to room, pass out.

Step Twenty-five:  Wake up to angry shouts of frat brothers who are mad because you made a mess and left the oven on for four hours.