Super Frat

I’m not sure why Steven Soderbergh thought he’d be good to direct the female version of the Bourne Identity or why a friend of mine recommended this movie, but I needed something to justify my monthly flee to Netflix, so I thought I’d watch Haywire.

I guess it’s not a totally awful movie with a cast that includes Antonio Banderas, Ewan McGregor and Michael Douglas.  But then there’s Channing Tatum, who only reminds me that I also sat through that shitty G.I. Joe movie.  Gina Carano, the lead and kickass martial artist, is fairly kickass.  But her movies are more functional than flashy.  That added a certain realism to the flick, but near the end (spoiler) when she’s fighting Ewan McGregor, I was like c’mon.  That skinny little Jedi Master is no fighter.  If I’m confident I can beat up the actor, he should not be posed as a plausible physical threat to anyone, especially the kickass chick in this movie.

The plot is pretty by the book: agent goes somewhere, gets betrayed, has to find the people that betrayed her.  But while Soderbergh seems to function on the pragmatic aspects of being a spy, fugitive, Bourne, etc, he seems to forget that we’re supposed to be watching an exciting movie.  The pacing is very uneven and the tone seems more appropriate for some indie romantic comedy, not a movie in which guys get their faces bashed in.  Get Carano a James Bond type theme and crank up the punch sound effects and maybe that would help.  But even the car chase is kind of uneventful.

I dunno.  Maybe watching on my TV didn’t help.  I mean there were a few interesting shots, but when several minutes go by with scenes about spies showing up for a mission and getting ready, you’ve got to wonder if Soderbergh was just padding at that point.  And the convoluted plot involving a kidnapped journalist was extremely hard to follow and I was not emotionally invested because I didn’t even know the character.

So if you want to watch an action movie that downplays the action, so you have plenty of time to play iPad games while you watch it, put Haywire in your cue.