Apr20
Ten Things You Never Want to See Your Roommate Do
on April 20, 2013 at 12:01 am
1. Scratch ass and then start searching through fridge.
2. Find him standing over you smiling when you wake up.
3. Ask you, “If I sold your car to a homeless guy, how mad would you be?”
4. Lounge around the apartment naked.
5. Make a Star Trek “swoosh!” noise every time you open a door.
6. Leave several used, but washed condoms in the dish drainer.
7. Pay his share of the rent in change.
8. Insist that you never talk to the cops.
9. Listen to Taylor Swift.
10. Ask you, “Which of your socks do you prefer I masturbate in?”
