Your Fratoscope: October 20, 2013
on October 20, 2013 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: Get ready for a big surprise! The bed bugs in your place spell out “Happy Birthday” on your sheets!
Aries: Dick Cheney will burst into your place, search it, point at you and say, “I got my eye on you.” He’ll leave without explanation.
Taurus: Your Breaking Bad cosplay at the bank makes everyone think there’s been a bio hazard spill.
Gemini: You will find change at a crime scene, but the detective will claim that it’s “evidence”.
Lemini: Rest easy now. The battery to that musical greeting card that fell between the crack in the floor will finally die this week.
Cancer: After a particularly wet fart, you’ll be forced to take an extra shower.
Leo: Your newspaper boy has a mental breakdown and starts throwing iPad’s on everyone’s stoop.
Virgo: You will wake up with a goat licking your face and a broken window. That will teach you to laugh at your neighbor’s goat-a-pult.
Libra: You may be smoking too much pot, as your pot dealer insists on “taking a break”.
Scorpio: It turns out, sex in an aquarium tank isn’t all that kinky and you end up traumatizing a manta ray.
Sagittarius: Your dog will urge you to go out more, as he’s anxious to throw a party without you around.
Capricorn: Some sadist will fill your local Coke machine with RC Cola.
Aquarius: Your local CVS will simple switch over to selling nothing but candy.
Pisces: You will realize you’ve missed the Walking Dead premiere and don’t care.