Ten Things I Learned on Black Friday
on November 30, 2013 at 12:01 am
1. Bear Mace is handy if you really want that Barbie Dream House.
2. No amount of cursing will get the doors to Target open early.
3. Shoving an old lady to the ground will buy you precious steps towards the 80% off display.
4. Never bring kids because their hands can’t grab enough stuff.
5. A row of shopping carts makes an excellent battering ram against locked mall doors.
6. Security guards are no match for a well swung, store mannequin.
7. Grabbing something out of someone’s cart isn’t stealing because they don’t own it yet.
8. The store greeter at Wal Mart can go fuck himself if he doesn’t get out of the way.
9. It requires a substantial amount of force to break a shin bone with the base of a shopping cart.
10. Mall Santas can’t take a punch.
