Your Fratoscope: April 27, 2014
on April 27, 2014 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: This year, you’ll get the gift that keeps on giving, herpes.
Aries: Your fortune cookie fortune apologizes after you nearly choke on it.
Taurus: A man in a mascot costume will give you an uncomfortable hug. Turns out, he doesn’t work at that stadium either.
Gemini: You’ll have a bad hair day and have to bail your hair out of jail.
Lemini: The stars say, update your website or take it down, everyone thinks you’re dead.
Cancer: Turns out, those pics of your friend’s kids weren’t his. He doesn’t have any kids.
Leo: You will fall into a pool of lotion and have silky smooth skin for weeks.
Virgo: Your pizza will be late because the driver doesn’t like you.
Libra: A friend will pay you back, so either you’ll get your $50 or someone will drop an upper decker in your toilet.
Scorpio: The sex with that Arby’s employee will be bad, but you do get free fries.
Sagittarius: Don’t punch that dwarf. He will bite your nutsack.
Capricorn: You will steal the bananas, but be tackled by several monkeys in security guard uniforms.
Aquarius: Your parking space will be taken up by a guy who wants his cactus to “breathe”.
Pisces: You will eat far too many appetizers at a wedding and upset the bride and groom. Fortunately, you’ll find out later you were at a wake.