Your Halloween Fratoscope
on October 26, 2014 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: Your friends throw you a masquerade birthday party, but it’s really just a way to get double usage out of their costumes before Halloween.
Aries: You’ll knock on a door, a woman will scream “Trick!” and punch you in the face.
Taurus: You will discover that passing out random items that didn’t sell at your yard sale, is an excellent way to clear your basement on Halloween.
Gemini: While attending a Halloween party as an Ebola patient, you will be whisked away in a ambulance and quarantined for 21 days. Still, nice costume.
Lemini: Take pride in your work, the cops sure won’t when they find the bodies.
Cancer: The stars say, that “Sexy DMV Clerk” really isn’t all that sexy of a costume.
Leo: When the light shines just right on your angel costume, everyone can see your junk.
Virgo: This week, you’ll be mugged by a group of kids that take their Sons of Anarchy costumes a little too seriously.
Libra: You will find that when TP’ing a neighbor’s tree, you shouldn’t use the toilet paper first.
Scorpio: You may want to reevaluate your wardrobe. No one notices that you’re in costume when you show up dressed as a prostitute.
Sagittarius: While dressed as a cop at a Halloween party, a government official will give you a bazooka and tank.
Capricorn: No one appreciates the authentic cadavers you borrow from the medical school for your house decorations.
Aquarius: The Great Pumpkin will arise out of the pumpkin patch and ask to borrow your car.
Pisces: You’ll surprise a group of kids about to egg your house on Mischief Night and score two dozen free eggs.
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