Your Fratoscope: November 2, 2014
on November 2, 2014 at 1:07 amIf your birthday is this week: Once again, your asshole friends give you handfuls of candy they don’t like.
Aries: Vanilla Ice and some Amish guys will gut your living room and then realize they have the wrong house.
Taurus: The stars say, that next fart isn’t really a fart. Clench and get to a toilet.
Gemini: An out-of-breath fat kid in a Captain America costume will knock on your door and ask for candy.
Lemini: You’ll meet an older version of you time traveling to the past. He ask if you’ve been raped by the rhino yet.
Cancer: Your roommate will clean the fridge and now everything you eat tastes like Lysol.
Leo: While getting a key made at the hardware store, you’ll drop your front door key into a bucket reject keys.
Virgo: You’ll spot Tom Cruise running, being chased by cameras. He’ll stop to sign an autograph and then keep running.
Libra: Your cat sues you to get moist food every day.
Scorpio: Your Halloween orgy leaves everyone with the wrong pieces of costume, again.
Sagittarius: Parker Brothers rejects your proposal for a Scrabble game aimed at an illiterate audience.
Capricorn: The barrista at Starbucks simply writes “douchebag” across your cup.
Aquarius: You discover that your healthcare plan doesn’t cover straining your wrist while using the TV remote.
Pisces: Your training for Thanksgiving begins in earnest. Keep at it and you’ll be able to down an entire turkey with stuffing this year.
Comments are closed.