Your Fratoscope: June 28, 2015
on June 28, 2015 at 1:46 am
If your birthday is this week: Your gambling addiction spins out of control and you’re force to let your bookie take your place at the surprise party.
Aries: The stars say, get some exercise you fat fuck.
Taurus: A 300-pound meter maid leaves something on the windshield of your car, unfortunately for you it’s a love letter.
Gemini: Jack Black shows up to your party and overstays his welcome loudly.
Lemini: Now that you finally gathered the courage to leave a love letter on your secret love’s car, how about losing some weight?
Cancer: You will mistake the fire at your neighbors for smoke signals and sign a treaty with the Pawnee.
Leo: You’ll wear that shirt you sleep in to a fancy dinner party so that everyone can enjoy your musk.
Virgo: A new opportunity comes your way, but then you remember you already sold one kidney.
Libra: This week, spend time with family. They’re the easiest to borrow money from.
Scorpio: You’ll explore a new kind of porn involving the 2nd knuckle, you sick, sick freak.
Sagittarius: You cancel your trip to Tunisia because you hear the wifi is shit.
Capricorn: You’ll be unable to resist saying, “Mooooo!’ driving past a dairy farm.
Aquarius: You’ll be unable to resist saying, “Coooorn!” driving past a cornfield.
Pisces: You’ll laugh way too hard at the name of this eatery.