Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Back to School Edition
on August 1, 2015 at 12:01 am
Once again, bros, it’s time to look at movies and decide if they’re worth seeing. Will you hit the theater before going back to school or save your money for a Netflix account for the whole year? It’s not much of a choice if you ask me because, here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
First, a couple of semi-retractions. I’ve heard amazing things about Mad Max: Fury Road and good things about Antman. I may actually go see them.
The Fantastic Four: How many times are they going to try and make this movie? This is three, I think. As many of us fanboys have discussed (to death) the Fantastic Four really isn’t a movie, it’s more of a TV show. Like Antman, I am not optimistic, but I could be wrong.
Ricki and the Flash: Meryl Streep as a rocker? Is this made by the same people that created that Dennis Leary show? The whole concept feels incredibly dated. Would’ve been awesome like 20 years ago. Pass.
The Gift: A movie involving the obsession of on individual just doesn’t appeal to me. I always think, if the person can do all that, why didn’t they just get their life together?
The Diary of a Teenage Girl: Kristen Wiig has gone from being in very few things to the female Samuel L. Jackson. I’ll pass.
Dragonball Z: Resurrection F: If there was one movie this year that I did not want to see the most, it would be this one. The entire concept is one giant cartoon pyramid scheme to me. Just when Goku beats a guy, they create some new guy and new move. If there was ever a show where the writers just pulled stuff out their ass, it was this one. Not in a million fucking years would I pay money to see this.
The Man from U.N.C.L.E.: I was just saying the other day, if only they took old TV shows you used to watch for free and put them in the movies so I would have to pay for them. Get bent whoever greenlit this.
Hitman: Agent 47: Video game movie. Rather play the game and actually, would rather play a better game.
The Transporter: Refueled: Which should probably be called, the Transporter: Refooled if you go see it.
Maze Runner: The Scor— No.
Hotel Transylvania 2: Not only do I not want to see this, I’m hoping a computer virus wipes out every remaining copy prior to the premiere so no one else can see it either.
That’s it for me. I’m going to finish out the summer playing magic cards. At least the cards have a consistent plot.
