Your Fratoscope: August 16, 2015
on August 16, 2015 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: The birthday clown that came to your party as a kid shows up and begs you for a gig so he can score some clown heroin.
Aries: You’ll discover that your favorite beef jerky is actually made in China from process barber hair.
Taurus: You’ll get hit in the eyeballs by an errant Frisbee.
Gemini: The stars say, just pick a meal. No one as indecisive as you should ever get in a drive thru.
Lemini: Your boat trip ends after the boat is miraculously hit by two different cars on a highway. Maybe you should’ve paid attention in boating class.
Cancer: Your waiter is spitting in your food, but not in the way you asked.
Leo: After an accident at camp, you’ll bury your soiled undies in the woods, but don’t worry. Your dog brings them back.
Virgo: You’ll decide that your horoscope is bullshit.
Scorpio: Everyone at the adult book store will share a plate of wings with a strange tasting blue cheese dressing.
Sagittarius: A homeless man will greenlight your screenplay and Tom Sizemore immediately signs on as the lead.
Capricorn: You’ll accidentally date your grocer.
Aquarius: Several boy scouts will forcibly help you across the street and then shake you down for a tip.
Pisces: You’ll notice a tremendous amount of hot trim hanging out at Dunkin Donuts for some reason.
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