Your Fratoscope: September 20, 2015
on September 20, 2015 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: For no reason, your cake will be shaped like Vladmir Putin’s nose.
Aries: The ghost of Abraham Lincoln will appear to you and demand a licensing fee for every penny you used over the years.
Taurus: Your pizzeria cook will get incredibly high and send you $14.95 with cheese on it and demand a box.
Gemini: This week, prepare for everyone you meet talking in rhyme.
Lemini: The next gorilla you meet will claim to be able to predict lottery numbers, but that’s just a ruse to get you to have sex with him.
Cancer: Your co-workers will prank you by getting themselves all fired and leaving you with all the work.
Leo: Beware of V-shaped collars this week.
Virgo: You’ll forget to read Your Fratoscope this week.
Libra: You’ll be followed by an extremely affectionate or hungry coyote.
Scorpio: Using a black light in your apartment reveals that you really need to repaint and burn all your furniture.
Sagittarius: Your video game avatar attempts to upgrade you.
Capricorn: You’ll cut yourself on a post-it note, you pussy.
Aquarius: An angry, serial baker will attempt to forcibly cover you in icing.
Pisces: The Pope will visit your city and this time…it’s personal.
Comments are closed.