Your Fratoscope: October 4, 2015
on October 4, 2015 at 12:33 amIf your birthday is this week: The Cake Boss will repossess your birthday cake and beat up your friend that ordered it. He wishes you a happy birthday, though.
Aries: You find a dollar, which would be lucky, except that’s all that’s left in your checking account.
Taurus: You’ll eat some cheese and that will be about as exciting as it gets for you this week.
Gemini: You’ll eat some cheese on top of a blimp that’s crashing into the Vatican while fighting Nazis and that will be about as exciting as it gets for you this week.
Lemini: You will try the first pumpkin spiced French Fry and realize that trend has gone way too far…until you’re handed the pumpkin spiced ketchup.
Cancer: The stars say, spot searching other cookies for fortunes, they’re just in that one kind.
Leo: You will realize halfway through the comedy movie you’ve been laughing it, that’s it’s actually a very scary and graphic horror movie. You sicko.
Virgo: You will discover that your ex’s comic book collection makes great kindling.
Libra: You will regret leaving behind your stuff at your Virgo ex’s place.
Scorpio: This week, wash your anal beads, company is coming.
Sagittarius: You’ll discover that socks make excellent toilet paper in a pinch, but that they don’t flush as easily.
Capricorn: Take charge of today because most of the people that live in your building will be passed out from the gas leak.
Aquarius: You will really misinterpret the term “baker’s dozen” and sleep with the baker’s wife.
Pisces: You will think of climbing Everest as a romantic and cool thing to do, until you hear what they use for waypoints.
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