Your Fratoscope: October 18, 2015
on October 18, 2015 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: Your s’mores will be good, so you’ll have s’more.
Aries: You future grandchild travels back to the past to thank you for your recycling and to borrow $60.
Taurus: Take a page from your grandfather’s book because that’s where he has all his Swiss bank account numbers written.
Gemini: You’ll take an arousing cab ride.
Lemini: The stars say, stop getting high all the time, you’re really cutting into your drinking time.
Cancer: You’ll discover that most of the screaming in the next apartment was due to expired milk…which led to a murder.
Leo: The ghost of Gary Busey will come to you, explain he’s not dead and then laugh manically for 20 straight minutes.
Virgo: You’ll purchase an obscene weather vane.
Libra: You’re feeling restless today, so don’t fight it, besides you only have about 20 minutes to get out of that coffin before you’re out of air.
Scorpio: You’ll make sweet love to your favorite Family Guy character.
Sagittarius: McDonald’s will offer a sandwich named after you called “The Loserwich”.
Capricorn: Bernie Sanders will promise you a free cheeseburger if you vote for him.
Aquarius: The gun store refuses to sell to you because you look far too “shootable”.
Pisces: You’ll lose your underwear in a very Japanese poker game.
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