Your Fratoscope: November 29, 2015
on November 29, 2015 at 1:44 amIf your birthday is this week: Your birthday gifts will all fit into one bag, because most things you get at a gas station mini-mart is pretty small.
Aries: You will build your own Frankenstein monster, who will then max out all your credit cards.
Taurus: Half way through the bag, you’ll realize your trail mix is mixed with actual trail gravel.
Gemini: You will be forced to kick out your pirate roommate since he refuses to stop burying your wallet.
Lemini: You will chase a leprechaun in your local Target store, only to discover that he’s just a really short customer service rep for Christmas ornaments.
Cancer: The stars say, getting stuck in an elevator is your best bet to meet new people.
Leo: By the third hour of your test drive, you’ll be committed to stealing the car.
Virgo: Your roommate will discover that it takes at least five stomps to break your cellphone case.
Libra: A group of people dressed as Star Wars storm troopers will commandeer your car for “Empire reasons”.
Scorpio: Your doctor will advise you to pair down your fuck buddy list to the low hundreds.
Sagittarius: You’ll get a sensual proposal from a mall Santa.
Capricorn: Your tips are such that the barista at Starbucks spells your name “a-s-s-h-o-l-e”.
Aquarius: Your attempt to do any work this month is thwarted by the fact that everyone is checked out until January 3rd.
Pisces: Enjoy your stuffing situation while it lasts and try not to cry when it’s over.