Your Fratoscope: December 13, 2015
on December 13, 2015 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: The stars say, suck it up for another two weeks, because no one is buying you two big presents in a month.
Aries: You find out the fish that got away has turned the tables and is hunting…you.
Taurus: You discover what the phrase “turn the tables” really means and realize you’ve been wasting time moving furniture to get your revenge.
Gemini: The ghost of Tom Clancy explains that he doesn’t have the cheat codes to any of the video games with his name in it.
Lemini: The stars say, you’ll run into an old school chum. Well, his picture anyway on a wanted poster in the Post Office.
Cancer: You will be sensually aroused by a gyro.
Leo: You will ignore the honor system at the photocopier in the office supply store.
Virgo: This week, you’ll be interrupted by an unusual amount of CGI.
Libra: No matter how hard you try, no one will have change for your twenty this week.
Scorpio: The stars say, the cops will never let you finish having sex in a subway car.
Sagittarius: Your car will be stolen by the Hamburglar during one of his burger heists.
Capricorn: This week, you’ll realize you have too much on your plate, but that’s only because you don’t want to make a second trip to the buffet.
Aquarius: You’ll discover that you’re allergic to golf.
Pisces: You will reap the wind and patent a reaping machine by selling your surplus of wind.