Your Fratoscope: January 24, 2016
on January 24, 2016 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: Your birthday is postponed, due to snow.
Aries: You would’ve met a new romantic interest, but they got stuck home in the snow.
Taurus: A great job opportunity would’ve happened, but alas, too much snow.
Gemini: You would’ve found $100 bill on the ground if it wasn’t under two feet of snow.
Lemini: An old rival would’ve punched out your lights, but fortunately, his car is stuck in the snow.
Cancer: You would’ve had a great day thinking of all sorts of clever and creative things, if you hadn’t spent all that time shoveling the damned snow.
Leo: The stars say, they can’t see you under all that snow. God damn, that’s a lot of snow, say the stars.
Virgo: Family interests dominate your day, at least they would, if you could see your family, but you can’t because all the snow.
Libra: You spend the whole fucking day shoveling snow.
Scorpio: You spend all day looking at porn because what the Hell else is there to do when stuck in the snow.
Sagittarius: You attempt to drive to the store, like a dumb fuck, in two feet of snow.
Capricorn: Someone asks you, “How about this snow?” and you beat them to death with your snow shovel.
Aquarius: You miss global warming.
Pisces: Snow! Fucking snow! God damn, white bullshit! Fuck!