Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  Your friends throw you a surprise party in the park, but only so they can play Pokémon Go.

Aries:  You’re spelling your like you’re so you’re really not using your your’s correctly.

Taurus:  The stars say, you will get so high, Dragonball Z will make sense to you.

Gemini:  Your toast is ready.

Lemini:  You will be given a gift certificate good for one swift kick in the genitals.

Cancer:  This week, give back to the community and let those people you kidnapped free.

Leo:  You will discover the Jerry Seinfeld Amusement Park, but find out you’re not sarcastic enough to ride any of the rides.

Virgo:  You will merge all your condiments into one big super condiment.

Libra:  The ghost of John Belushi appears to you and keeps asking if you want to get high.

Scorpio:  You’ll discover you can catch more Pokémon Go by having sex in the park, then by having sex in a crowded hotel room.

Sagittarius:  You’ll leave a cake out in a rain and you tried so hard to make it and it took so long to bake it and you’ll never have that recipe again.

Capricorn:  You’ll wake up, go to work and finally get something accomplished, only to realize it’s Sunday in the middle of your lunch break.

Aquarius:  You regret telling your buddy, the president of Turkey, that you can catch more Pokémon Go during a coup.

Pisces:  You will be a guest at the Jersey Shore Comic Book Show at the Elks Lodge in Toms River, NJ and it will be awesome.