Your Fratoscope: August 7, 2016
on August 7, 2016 at 2:32 amIf your birthday is this week: Seemingly, a lot of people come to your birthday party, but it turns out they’re only there for the Pokémon Go stop.
Aries: You’ll be corrected after claiming to be “so drunk” on birch beer.
Taurus: Your mailman hates you, because your Blue Apron box will contain a bottle of poison and a spoon.
Gemini: The stars say, you’ll forget one thing while stopping at Starbucks, your pants.
Lemini: You’ll have trouble quitting smoking until you discover heroin.
Cancer: The voices in your head will tell you to see a therapist.
Leo: You lose an argument with a talking soda machine.
Virgo: Your echo tells you to “Take is somewhere else.”
Libra: Your Starbucks barista won’t stop writing “Some a-hole” on your latte cup.
Scorpio: You’re finally able to separate your porn and sex tapes into equal piles.
Sagittarius: This week, you’ll be stuck in a elevator, but only because the conversation there is so engrossing.
Capricorn: The girl scouts will insist you buy cookies because you have a nice house “and it would be a shame if something bad were to happen to it.”
Aquarius: Your chauffer will suddenly ask you, “Wanna seem me roll out of this thing while it’s moving?”
Pisces: You’ll really put the hammer down today because you’re out of nails.