Your Fratoscope: August 28, 2016
on August 28, 2016 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: This week, you’ll be used as another excuse to eat cake at work.
Aries: You’ll lose all your hair in a dice game.
Taurus: You weight will exceed your credit score.
Gemini: The fortune in your fortune cookie will say, “Cookies can’t tell you the future.”
Lemini: You paperboy starts delivering your newspaper to your better looking neighbor.
Cancer: You’ll be tasered by those girl scouts you stiffed.
Leo: The stars say, the all-you-can-eat buffet is nothing without an all-you-can-poop bathroom.
Virgo: You’ll be tickled by a government worker.
Libra: You’ll find a twenty dollar bill on the corpse of a coworker.
Scorpio: You’ll make sweet love to Hall, but not Oates.
Sagittarius: You’ll live out your dream of eating just the top of several cupcakes.
Capricorn: You’ll find spiritual enlightenment in a Burger King bathroom.
Aquarius: You’ll be profiled in a news segment for being so boring.
Pisces: You’ll be fed a delicious cheesesteak while you sleep.