Your Fratoscope: November 27, 2016
on November 27, 2016 at 1:41 amIf your birthday is this week: The strippers bring out your cake, but ruin the moment when they ask where all your friends are.
Aries: Your invention of the bacon rocket is delicious, but fails to get a patent.
Taurus: The stars say, your pile of leaves looks like a giant penis from up there.
Gemini: The ghost of Fidel Castro will appear to you and demand that you return all his library books.
Lemini: You’ll realize that the waiter at the Olive Garden gives terrible financial advice.
Cancer: You’ll accidentally step in a toilet trying to find the gum that fell out of your mouth.
Leo: Hillary Clinton will steal your newspaper, insisting that it’s full of Russian propaganda.
Virgo: Your blacksmith will be forced to raise his prices.
Libra: Your mail order snack arrives six weeks late when you’re not even hungry.
Scorpio: You spot someone you went to high school with in one of the pornos you’re masturbating to.
Sagittarius: Your tattoo artist will continue to verify that you don’t understand the Chinese characters being tattooed on your back.
Capricorn: Your donut maker will conflate vanilla glaze with mayo again.
Aquarius: Your roommate will pay their half of the rent in Skittles again.
Pisces: Your turkey leftovers start to turn today, so eat the last 29 pounds of turkey or throw them away.