Your Fratoscope: December 18, 2016
on December 18, 2016 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: You’ll get an inordinate amount of deodorant for gifts.
Aries: You will watch a movie on Netflix that isn’t that good, but also isn’t that bad.
Taurus: The stars say, your team will not make the spread.
Gemini: Your roommate, a Trump supporter, will build a wall between your leftover tacos and the other food in your fridge.
Lemini: Don’t look back, it will only make you that more frightened when your homemade rocket plunges back toward Earth.
Cancer: You will meet your evil twin, but find out they’re actually the nice one.
Leo: Beggars can’t be choosers unless you’re trying to give away your old clothes, apparently.
Virgo: You’ll be full of Christmas cheer this week, which is why, the doctor’s say, it’s going to cost a fortune to remove it safely.
Libra: Your craigslist ad responses to sell your couch will mostly be dick pics.
Scorpio: You’ll finally pierce that last part of your body that hasn’t been pierced.
Sagittarius: Carolers will avoid your house because word is, your cookies suck.
Capricorn: A boy scout will help you across the street at gun point cause he really wants that badge.
Aquarius: You’ll be outwitted by a raccoon, but the jokes on him, you didn’t even want that promotion.
Pisces: You farting will be out of control this week or outstanding, depending on your point of view.