Your Mother’s Day Fratoscope
on May 14, 2017 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: You don’t get any gifts because its mother’s day and your mom told all your friends and relatives you’d be busy doing stuff for her.
Aries: Your mom will be the first person to put granola on a burger and the last the person.
Taurus: Your Tinder date brings their mom along, so now your mom has someone to talk to.
Gemini: Your visit with your mom is short since the prison cut back visiting hours.
Lemini: You and your mom finally get those matching tattoos on your genitals.
Cancer: Your mother continues to cook her feelings and makes you a pie the size of a manhole cover.
Leo: The stars say, go visit your ma, your dad could use a break.
Virgo: You’ll discover that mom makes a great wingman, but only for dates over 70.
Libra: Visiting mom ends as it always does with whiskey, fist fights, a night in county lock up and a lovely homemade breakfast of French Toast.
Scorpio: This week, your mom says she’s in town to visit her favorite children and you.
Sagittarius: Your mother calls and ask if she can do Mother’s Day on a day where she doesn’t have three hot Tinder dates.
Capricorn: Your mom will thank you for visiting her even though you never do anything right.
Aquarius: Your mother will greatly appreciate the packages you muled across the border.
Pisces: You mom will ask you again, why you’re making comics and when you’re going to get a real job.