Your Memorial Day Fratoscope
on May 28, 2017 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: You get a lot of leftover barbecue supplies as gifts.
Aries: You will meet someone new on the beach and fall in love, which is weird because they mug you.
Taurus: You will eat a hot dog with a record number of mystery ingredients.
Gemini: The stars say, your beer stand is impressive, but inappropriate at your grandmother’s.
Lemini: Don’t keep looking for trouble, with your personality, someone’s bound to start a fight with you sooner or later.
Cancer: Order the tacos. You can’t go wrong with tacos.
Leo: You will be cast in Fiddler on the Roof against your will.
Virgo: Your Netflix an chill turns into Netflix and an argument about what the Hell is there to watch on Netflix.
Libra: This week, you’ll be struck by at least three McNuggets in three separate incidents.
Scorpio: Amazon preemptively labels all your purchases NSFW.
Sagittarius: You will taste a new flavor of bicycle.
Capricorn: Your grill skills come in handy when you run out of kerosene at the barbecue and are forced to turn the pool into a fire pit.
Aquarius: Your pork intake will, once again, exceed your original body weight at the beginning of the barbecue.
Pisces: You will try to Rock the Casbah, but the Casbah owners already fixed their foundation so that wouldn’t happen again.