Ira’s Drunken Recipes: Microwave Burrito
on June 4, 2017 at 11:08 pmIngredients: 1/4 kegger, one bottle of Grand Marnier, bus, airport, burrito, microwave.
Step 1: Drink about 1/4 keg of beer at a sorority mixer.
Step 2: Stagger into wrong room and uncover housemate’s bottle of Grand Marnier.
Step 3: Ignore labels on bottle and obvious age of bottle and open it.
Step 4: Drink one quarter of bottle, rush to bathroom to throw up.
Step 5: Over hear housemate discovering open bottle in room.
Step 6: Climb out window, fall into bushes.
Step 7: Hear housemate threaten you from his room.
Step 8: Run across campus, chased by housemate.
Step 9: Duck into freshman party, hide in closet.
Step 10: Throw up in closet.
Step 11: Get thrown out by freshman.
Step 12: Walk to Student Union, remember sad time when you broke up with girlfriend there.
Step 13: Spot bus pulling up. Decide to get on it.
Step 14: Stagger to bus stop, get on bus.
Step 15: Walk to back of bus, pass out.
Step 16: Wake up at last stop at airport.
Step 17: Get out, walk into airport.
Step 18: Find microwave burritos at only store still open.
Step 19: Microwave burrito for 8 minutes by mistake.
Step 20: Burn mouth on burrito, drop it on floor.