Your Fratoscope: July 10, 2017
on July 10, 2017 at 12:01 amIf your birthday is this week: The stars say, pulling a fire alarm doesn’t count as a surprise birthday party.
Aries: You will discover that using your toe nail file to clean carrots make them taste funny.
Taurus: You’ll eat an entire cake, which sounds found and totally is.
Gemini: This week, you’ll eat a cheese sandwich you found in a cab.
Lemini: You’ll knock over Stonehenge, but you’ll be able to blame it on some kid in a wheelchair, so you’ll be fine.
Cancer: You’ll misplace your box of grenades at the nursery school. That place is a mess.
Leo: Get a suit, you’re going to need it for your new job as a coffin tester.
Virgo: You’ll attend a very confusing funeral for a relative and get a partial refund.
Libra: There will be a mix up at the funeral parlor and you’ll accidentally bury a coffin tester.
Scorpio: You will rub against your financial consultant, but it won’t get you better financial advice.
Sagittarius: The escort service tells you for the fifth time that they don’t have the kind of livestock you’re looking for.
Capricorn: You’ll realize your dream and walk on the moon, but it’s made of cheese and it’s attracted a record number of ants.
Aquarius: You’ll get the feeling you’re being watched while installing those cameras in the women’s public restroom.
Pisces: You’ll pee your pants in the rain, so no one will notice. That same strategy won’t work walking through the mud though.