Your Comic Con Fratoscope: July 23, 2017
on July 23, 2017 at 12:59 amIf your birthday is this week: Norman Reedus will jump out of your birthday cake and shoot the zombie. Well, the guy in zombie make up anyway.
Aries: Your cosplay as the Crotchless Avenger doesn’t get you free entry into the con.
Taurus: You’ll realize the large action figure you just purchased is a napping Verne Troyer.
Gemini: You’ll tell everyone at the Game of Thrones panel that everyone dies this season and are immediately thrown out for giving away too many spoilers.
Lemini: You’ll be excited to meet an amazing cosplayer dressed as the Hulk, until you realize it’s actually Lou Ferrigno.
Cancer: The stars say, don’t eat anything, the line for the comic con bathroom is way longer than the line for the comic con snack bar.
Leo: You will acquire a rare Star Trek collectible: William Shatner’s notes on moderation in acting.
Virgo: You’ll witness a wookie with a huge mustard stain on his fur.
Libra: You’ll be injured by a horde of stampeding Harley Quinns.
Scorpio: Everyone you have sex with at comic con will walk away with that blue smurf body paint you’re wearing on their face and genitals.
Sagittarius: PETA will protest you for capturing too many Pokemon.
Capricorn: Room service will charge you extra for the trashcan full of Cheetos you order up to your room.
Aquarius: You room party gets out of hand when Val Kilmer, George Clooney and Ben Affleck get their asses kicked by Christian Bale.
Pisces: Someone asks if you think they’ll ever include famous comic book creators at Comic Con.