Ten Things I’d Like to See in the News
on October 14, 2017 at 1:47 amThe news is so awful recently. Here now are Ten Things I’d Like to See in the News before the end of 2017.
- Donald Trump retires to tweet full time.
- Americans become so healthy, healthcare costs plummet.
- Iran elects Elmo as president.
- Hillary Clinton become recluse and decides never to grant interviews.
- California installs state-wide sprinkler system.
- U.S. Troops return home because there’s not enough people for all the jobs.
- Makers of Blade Runner 2049 apologize for fucking it up.
- Apple announces no more iPhones until they can come up with an actual improvement.
- Olive Garden closes doors forever.
- News channels complain they can no longer find any bad news stories to talk about.