Your Fratoscope: October 15, 2017
on October 15, 2017 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your birthday will be funky, mostly because of the smell coming from that moldy birthday cake.
Aries: You’ll find out your dinner isn’t sushi, the chef just didn’t cook your food.
Taurus: Your cat will sue you for alimony and leave you for a cat lady.
Gemini: The stars say, don’t eat those gumballs, they’re actually just mislabeled rubber balls.
Lemini: Your Tinder date will apologize for lighting you on fire.
Cancer: You’ll finally get a response to your letters from Santa and he apologies for being so late to get back to you.
Leo: Your high school gym coach will call to remind you that you’re a worthless piece of crap that can’t play dodgeball.
Virgo: Russians comes to your house and demands your Facebook password so they can make your like Vladimir Putin’s band.
Libra: An old flame will come back into your life to borrow your dust buster.
Scorpio: You’ll become aroused in the produce section again.
Sagittarius: Organizing Karoke night at the public library turns out to be a bad idea.
Capricorn: You will find an unusual about of butter in your sheets this week.
Aquarius: You’ll be kicked in the nads by an old acquaintance you haven’t seen in years!
Pisces: You’ll use your psychic abilities to steal predictions from another psychic.
