Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Early 2018
on January 15, 2018 at 12:01 am
I love movies, when they’re good. When they’re not, I avoid them. Why give bad studios more money, I say. Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
The Commuter: Taken on a Train. C’mon, anyone can write this one. “I don’t know who you are, but I have a certain set of skills…blah, blah, blah…” And Liam Neeson buys another house.
The Room: So, you want me to pay money for a movie everyone knows is bad? What the Hell is the car wash going to sell on VHS if you do that?!
12 Strong: AKA: Let’s Rewrite the War on Terror so we don’t look like assholes.
Den of Thieves: AKA: Bank Robbery Movie #3,489,627.
The Final Year: AKA: Let’s Pretend Obama is Still President for Two Hours.
Maze Runner: The Death Cure: Movies for teens who don’t know what good movies are like. Hard pass.
Winchester: Hollywood steals another idea from Alan Moore.
Fifty Shades of Freed: Women’s porn is apparently okay and profitable. Now that I’m single, there’s still not a hot enough woman that can make me see this movie.
Peter Rabbit: CGI Characters are cute! Yeah, haven’t seen THAT before. At this point, these movies should just have their own channel. What am I? 12? Of course I’m not seeing this!
Annihilation: Natalie Portman? I’m out.
The War With Grandpa: WTF happened to Robert DeNiro? Did he lose a bet?
All I can say is, thank God I have Netflix again.
