Your Fratoscope: January 28, 2018
on January 28, 2018 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: Your birthday posts will contain nothing but complaints about your sexually explicit party favors.
Aries: You’ll be touched by an angel and then later have to report him to the cops.
Taurus: Your monkey escapes again and this time, he steals your girlfriend.
Gemini: You will eat some pot brownies much to the anger of the cops that guard that evidence room.
Lemini: The stars say, stop whacking it under the skylight. The stars can’t unsee that.
Cancer: You learn that next time, you should cut off the skin and top of a pineapple before eating it.
Leo: You’re just one guitar lesson short of being that annoying guy that keeps playing Wonder Wall in the dorm.
Virgo: You’ll pick up a hitchhiker, but half way through the ride he’ll get scared and jump out of the car.
Libra: The green M&M is stalking you.
Scorpio: The guy at the drug store suggests you buy KY in bulk for savings.
Sagittarius: Facebook informs you that it can’t filter stupidity, so it asks you to stop posting.
Capricorn: You’ll get to the store too late, there are no more Tom Brady voodoo dolls left.
Aquarius: The cops will knock down your door because one of them has to go to the bathroom really bad.
Pisces: This week, you’ll be informed that vodka and cranberry juice doesn’t count as cold medicine.
