Super Frat

If your birthday is this week:  The good news about your poorly attended birthday celebration is that you get to eat all the cake yourself!

Aries:  You’ll discover that Stop, Drop and Roll doesn’t work if your credit card is declined.

Taurus:  Your accountant will advise you not to invest with that guy you met in the mall parking lot.

Gemini:  Your pizza topping spells out a message, but it’s in Chinese and you’re too hungry to wait for the translator.

Lemini:  The stars say, no matter how good it smells, drinking hand sanitizer is a bad idea.

Cancer:  You will be flashed at a Staples and when you tell the cops they are shocked to learned that there’s still a Staples chain of stores.

Leo:  You will lose a croquet tournament to two kids standing on each other shoulders in a trenchcoat.

Virgo:  You will be baited into an argument with a garden gnome.

Libra:  Your college protest breaks up early after every becomes too high to remember what they were outraged about.

Scorpio:  The aliens free you after you enjoy the anal probing a little too much.

Sagittarius:  There will be an image of Martin Short burned into your grilled cheese.

Capricorn:  You will regret parking your car in the middle of a kickball game.

Aquarius:  The casino will assure you that it cannot take hookers at collateral no matter how hot they are.

Pisces:  You’ll realize that if the badge is drawn in crayon, he’s probably not a real cop.