Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies: Fall 2018
on October 15, 2018 at 12:01 am
The leaves are turning and so are Hollywood’s movies. But not turning as in getting more colorful, but turning as in yogurt going bad. Here now is Why I’m Not Seeing These Movies.
Halloween: Wha-? It’s a sequel, but not the same sequel and not John Carpenter. I’m running as far away from this movie as I would from Michael Meyers.
Johnny English Strikes Again: Um, no.
Stuck: A movie about people stuck on a train? How about people stuck for 90 minutes watching this musical? Pass.
The Nutcracker and the Four Realms: Jesus, just give up Hollywood. I mean, seriously?
Nobody’s Fool: It’s directed by Tyler Perry, so I assume he makes a cameo in his fat suit. I miss the Wayan Brothers.
Bodied: It’s about a progressive grad student obsessed with battle rap. Is it possible for a movie to make negative money?
The Grinch: Didn’t they make and remake this movie? Why?!
Fantastic Beasts: Blah, blah— Harry Potter, Something Something: I don’t know. Pass.
Instant Family: Mark Wahlberg in a comedy about— No.
Ralph Breaks the Internet: No.
Robin Hood: AKA: Robin Hood again. Dear Lord, even I’m sick of these movies.
God, these movies look boring. I’m going back to watch bitchute videos. Way more exciting.
