Your Fratoscope: February 3, 2019
on February 3, 2019 at 12:01 am
If your birthday is this week: You friends sneak in another intervention in place of your birthday party.
Aries: You’ll be approached by a cult, but after a brief interview, they’ll decline to recruit you.
Taurus: Your pizza man will recommend a good diet for you.
Gemini: This week, you’ll sneeze on someone else’s custard.
Lemini: A man dressed as a fast food clown will attempt to sell you heroin.
Cancer: Your GPS keeps dropping hints: all your directions keep leading to a therapist’s office.
Leo: You’ll accidentally order a metric ton of garlic powder on Amazon.
Virgo: You’ll try to let out a fart at a funeral, but it won’t be a fart.
Libra: Your car will reveal itself to be a Transformer and insist that attempting to sell him on Craigslist is slavery.
Scorpio: You’ll be part of the first documented case of giving an STD to an inanimate object.
Sagittarius: Your cake delivery service does not go over well, when the paperboys you hire use the same delivery system.
Capricorn: You’ll be banned from Twitter for being too boring.
Aquarius: The shoe salesman at the store will like the smell of your feet way too much.
Pisces: You’ll sleep walk to the burrito store again.
